Good Intentions
by PCGirl
Summary: Complete! Starts after 112304 episode—John learns what it means to be only friends while Natalie struggles to find the happiness with Cristian that she thought she wanted.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This disclaimer is for the entirety of the story, unless it is needed. The characters and locations within the story are property of ABC/Disney and in no way do I believe I own squat.

A/N: Welcome to my latest Jolie fic--before long I'll have more of these up than I will PC stories and then that will be a scary day. I do have a few more chapters I'd like to add to R&B but am at a standstill on how to write it at the moment. Everyone enjoy the story! Until next time--PCGirl.

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Natalie paced between the foyer and the living room of Llanfair—what was taking so long? Why wasn't Cristian back yet? She looked at her watch—the Governor's speech should be starting soon, her mom had left a half hour before after Natalie finally believed her that she was fine and she'd rather just watch the speech on the television than in person.

She jumped at the sound of the doorbell and went running, ready to jump into his arms again. She swung the door open and again sighed at it not being him. "Adrianna—hi. Can I help you with anything?"

"My mom's not home and I can't reach her on her cell—I came by to see if she was here by chance."

"No, I haven't seen her--," said Natalie as she decided to not mention the police lineup she was in earlier. Damn John—if he hadn't dragged her off to that stupid thing she could have stopped Cristian from going—maybe.

"Oh, well I wonder where she is," she said to herself as she turned back to the door. "Oh, I told Tico all about Cristian earlier."

"You what?" said Natalie as her voice grew a little louder.

"Yeah, he had a picture of him and I told him how great of a person he was."

"But—but you didn't even know him," she said as her voice wavered a bit.

"With all the stories that Carlotta and Antonio have told me I feel like I did. Oh well—bye!" she smiled as she left.

Natalie closed the door and felt her knees begin to feel like Jello—Tico knew who Cris was, had probably known the whole time and now—now he was in serious trouble. She was able to make it to the phone before having to sit down. "Come on Antonio," she said as it continued to ring and nobody picked it up. "Great--," she said as she hung up the phone and tried to decide who to call next. Jess was too dangerous—Tico could see what was up and then all the people she loved would be dead. "John—John will help," she said as she dialed his number quickly—unsure of how she could explain everything as quickly as possible.

John wanted to smile at seeing her number on his phone, "Hey."

"John—hi. Listen, I need you to get to—I don't know where."

"Natalie—what are you talking about? Hello?" he asked when she didn't respond.

"Something is wrong—terribly wrong. Tico—he was the person that wanted Cris dead, not Flynn. And now he's gone into Lion's Heart and isn't back yet—I can't get a hold of Antonio and I can't call Jess about this, he'll hear her."

"Wait—you aren't making any sense. Who is at Lion's Heart? Antonio?"

"No—Cristian."

"Are you at Llanfair—I'll be right there."

"No—I need you to—," she said, but he'd already hung up.

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She must have had a bad dream—the stress of Paul's death and the anniversary of Cristian's was too much. That's all John could think the ride over to Llanfair—that and the look on Evangeline's face when he said he had to go because of Natalie.

He knocked on the door and she opened it up, her jacket on and purse in hand, "Was it a dream Natalie? I mean if you had a bad dream just tell me."

"No, my dreams have been fine," she said as she shook her head—getting the thought of the earlier dream out of her head. "He's alive John—he's really alive," she said as her eyes danced with happiness.

"Cristian? He's alive?"

"Yes—remember that night I told you everything? I said I felt like somebody had been watching me all night? It was him—he left me a note and I went up to Grandpa's cabin and there he was. I've been dreaming of this day for so long—that he'd come back to me," she smiled and then stopped, "I'm sorry John—Caitlyn--."

"Don't be sorry," he smiled at seeing her full of life again. He could tell she was finally happy again—what he'd only wanted her to be, other than maybe one day his. "So where is everyone right now?"

"I'm not sure—Jessica is with Tico at the television station. God—he knows who Cris is John—and he knows that Jessica knows also. He could hurt her—he doesn't like being double crossed."

"No, he doesn't. Maybe Flynn should be happy he's already dead. Where is Antonio?"

"He could be at Lion's Heart or at the television station. I'm not sure which though."

John thought for a second and grabbed his phone, "Hey—this is McBain. I need you to pick up Augustico Santi for possible connection into the death last year of Cristian Vega. He is supposed to be at the television station at this time--do not—I repeat—do not allow him out of your sight for a second, or let him have his one phone call until I've said so."

"Where are you going to go?" she said as he turned towards the door.

"I'm going to Lion's Heart—I'll find Cris and bring him back to you this time—I promise on my life."

"John—be careful."

"I will," he said giving her a big smile before leaving.

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John's mind was still going when he reached Lion's Heart—he couldn't let Natalie down, he wouldn't do it again. So much for them having a friendship—maybe they could still even though Cristian was back, he hoped they could—she was one of the few people who it was easy to be relaxed around.

The place was dark and John was surprised to find the front door unlocked. With his gun drawn he went in and looked around before continuing through the house. He touched a bookcase by accident and suddenly he was face to face with a secret passage. There were a few rooms down here and one had a light coming from underneath the door. With his finger on the trigger he burst through the door, "Freeze!"

The Hispanic man jumped up from crouching over Cris' unconscious body and John wanted to freeze at the fear at telling Natalie he was too late. She'd told him to go hell when they thought he was dead, John feared what she'd do if Cris really was this time. "Do you not understand English? Put your hands on your head now—NOW!" he shouted as he grabbed for his handcuffs and cuffed the guy good before patting him down for a weapon, throwing a gun and too knives in the corner and then shoving the guy into another direction. "Cris—wake up. Come on man," he said as he patted him on the face and then heard footsteps coming down. "Who is it?"

"It's me," said Antonio as he walked into the room and took a look at the guy on the floor and then to Cristian. "Is he ok?"

"Yeah, I think he's got a concussion—anything else and Natalie would have my heart for breakfast," he said with a laugh as Antonio grinned while the two men picked up Cris and walked him back upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

John rubbed his eyes from behind his desk—the words on the page were continuously blurry and he was unsure of why he was sitting here still. It was 8 am and he hadn't gone home yet, hadn't slept yet—not that sleep was ever a necessity in his life. There was a knock on the door and he looked up to see Antonio come in, "Hey."

"Hey. Have you been here all night? I figured when you didn't follow me to the hospital you went back to the hotel."

"Yeah, Sonia and I burned the midnight oil trying to get everything in order to put Tico away in a Fed prison for the rest of his life. So far we've got two murders, multiple hits put out, and bribing a judge."

"Sounds like your night was full of surprises."

"Yeah," he said as he rubbed his face. "But now—now I think I'm going to get some sleep," he said as he got up out of his seat and grabbed his jacket to put on. "Did Natalie get to the hospital safely? When I talked to her I was worried she'd drive so fast to get there she'd get in a wreck," he laughed as they walked down the hall.

"Yeah, she made it right after we got there. She asked where you were."

"I have to go interview Cristian later for Sonia—I'll probably see her then. She's not letting him out of her sight from the way she was acting last night."

"No, probably not—oh, and thanks for getting Cris out of there before I did."

"Where were you anyways?"

"Let's just say I was keeping a close eye on Jessica."

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Natalie tried to keep from smiling as she stood outside of Cristian's hospital room, but it was no use. She had gotten Michael to call Carlotta and tell her that her son was in the hospital and was asking for her. She peeked back in the room one more time to see Jessica and Antonio sitting next to each other—maybe their lives would finally be normal again.

Natalie turned at the mention of her name and couldn't help but smile at Carlotta as she gave her a hug.

"Is he ok? What happened? All the doctor would say is my son is in the hospital," said a frantic Carlotta as Natalie gave her a hug.

"He's fine—it was just a few bumps and bruises, but he's completely fine. See for yourself," said Natalie as she motioned towards the door.

Carlotta's heart stopped as she saw Cristian lying in the bed and she ran and hugged him, murmuring Spanish the entire time.

"I—I think I'm going to go back outside—you three have a happy reunion," said Jessica as she patted Antonio on the hand and slipped outside with her sister. "Wow—that was great. I haven't seen Carlotta that emotional in a long time."

"Me too," said Natalie as she peeked through the window one more time to see Carlotta holding her son's hand tightly and Antonio coming over to his mother's side also. "I think Antonio might start acting like a Vega again too."

"That'd be a good thing," said John as he walked up to the two girls.

"Hey—thank you so much for last night. It was crazy, and I know you must have thought I should be in Saint Anne's when I called saying Cristian was in danger."

"Don't mention it—I was just worried about you."

"I didn't interrupt anything important with you and Evangeline did I?" she asked as he looked around and ignored the question. "Oh John—I'm so sorry. I'll talk to her and apologize. I swear, it'll never happen again," she said as she realized that Jessica had slipped off somewhere.

"Yeah, well Sonia wanted me to get Cristian's statement about Flynn being paid off by Tico. Is it a bad time?"

"Carlotta just got here—I'd give them a little bit before you ask him any questions."

"That's fine. You going to be ok here?"

"I'm fine John—I've got Cristian back now, you don't have to be my white knight anymore," she laughed at him and almost swore she saw a look of sadness in his eyes. "But you can still be my friend—we'll always be friends, right John?"

"Right. Take care, Mrs. Vega," he said with a wink before turning towards the elevator. Friends—that was all they were now—but if it was such a bad thing why did he feel like someone just stomped on his heart?

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"What do you think is going to happen next?" asked Jessica to Antonio while they sat down in the cafeteria at the hospital.

"I'll tell you the first thing I'm doing—going to the station and get my job back. I'm supposed to be a cop and not a Spanish Mafia hitman."

"And I'm not supposed the be the head mobster's wife," said Jessica with a slight smile. "What about us—do you want there to be an us?"

"I've realized two things through all this—despite my parents, I'm a Vega and that you are the one I want to be with. Let's just take it slow, Jess—we've both been through a lot these past few months."

"That's what I was thinking about Natalie—she's been through so much I hope she doesn't—nevermind."

"What? What were you going to say?"

"She wanted to be with Cristian for so long, but whenever I see her around John I just think--."

"They should be together?" grinned Antonio.

"At least be given a chance. Isn't that wrong though? I mean he's your brother and my sister and here we are sitting down here trying to break them up so we can put Natalie with John."

"John's with Evangeline—let's just see how they act around each other before we decide to play matchmaker."

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"It just made me so mad, Nora—I've never felt this way before, but whenever he gets the call and runs off my blood just boils. Of course he just denies it when I see him afterward," spoke Evangeline as they walked down the hallway of the police station.

"Well, you have to expect it—he is a cop after all."

"It's not just that he's a cop—it's that he goes running after Natalie every time she breaks a nail. Last night—we're having this great dinner at the Palace and she called. All I heard him say was Cristian Vega's name and then he was gone."

"Wait—last night? Haven't you heard? Cristian Vega was found alive last night at Lion's Heart—John found him. John didn't tell you?"

"Well, I would have if she'd had answered the phone," said John as he walked around the corner after hearing everything Evangeline had just said. "Got a problem picking up the phone, counselor?"

"No. What I do have a problem with is my so called boyfriend running out on me to save his charity project from another mess she got in," snapped Evangeline.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it anymore because as of this moment Natalie is not my charity project and I'm not your so called boyfriend," yelled John as he stormed off and slammed his office door.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Lynn—your review had me laughing while I read it. John will figure out everything soon enough. One thing in this chapter—I can't remember if Cristian and Michael ever met before Cris "died" so in my story they hadn't. Until next time—ya'll are the best—PCGirl.

"I think this is everything we've got right now—one of the guys was trying to piece together some shredded papers found at Lion's Heart. When we get that figured out I'll let you know," said John as he handed over the file to Sonia.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm serious because you look like crap," grinned Sonia with a wink as she opened his office door and saw Evangeline standing there.

"Take it easy, Toledo," he grinned back at her and then looked in a desk drawer instead of looking at Evangeline, "What can I do for you, counselor?"

"We need to talk John—about us."

"There's no us—I thought I made myself clear earlier."

"Why? Because I didn't answer your phone calls? Because I was venting to my girlfriend about the way my boyfriend is treating me? All women do it John—it's called venting and last time I checked there was nothing wrong with that."

"No, there's not. But I'll tell you what I do have a problem with. After every time I am within a hundred yards of Natalie Vega I get an earful from you—aren't we together? Why are you so hung up on Natalie? I'm the girlfriend—not her. I'm sick and tired of it, Evangeline. So until you can understand what the meaning of _friends_ is then that's all we'll be—got it?"

"I got it," she said as she stormed out.

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"I've been thinking—maybe we should take the next week and go on our honeymoon finally," said Cristian as he sat in the bed with Natalie draped over him.

"I'd love that," she smiled as she hugged him closer and sighed. "But I do have my job at Rodi's—I can't just leave without asking Mac if someone can cover for me first. I can go ask him now if you like."

"Why don't you do that and then maybe by then the doctor will show up," he said as the door opened and Michael came in. "Are you my doctor?"

"Yeah. Hi Nat."

"Hey Michael—I was just about to leave for a bit."

"That's fine, I was just coming in to say we're going to release him soon," he said as he looked at Natalie instead of Cristian.

"I'm sorry—I didn't get your last name."

"McBain," said Michael as he went to give Cristian a handshake and received nothing in return. "Is there a problem?" he said looking at both of them.

"I'd rather have someone else be my attending if you don't mind. I don't have much confidence in McBain's around here," snarled Cris.

"Cristian! I'm sorry Michael," apologized Natalie.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get another one of the interns to finish up the paperwork—my shift is over anyways," said Michael, never turning his attention back to Cristian before leaving.

"I can't believe you Cristian—Michael is a good, competent doctor and a friend of mine—along with John."

"Well, with friends like that who needs enemies?"

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"Well, look who the cat dragged in," grinned John as he came into the station to see Antonio standing in front of Bo with his badge in his hand.

"Yeah, yeah. This is probationary for right now—I've got to prove my word is worth something before I get my gun back and go back out on the street," laughed Antonio.

"So does that mean you're my gopher for the next two months?" smiled John.

Antonio shook his head and looked down at his badge before responding, "Maybe I should rethink joining the force."

"Not on your life—you're one of the best guys I've got," laughed Bo. "John—can I talk to you inside my office?"

"Sure," he said as he walked in and closed the door.

"Those papers that were shredded at Lion's Heart? We found out what they were—money was wired to some creep out in Philly. Turns out his car was caught on the highway outside of Llanview Halloween night for speeding."

"And--? Please tell me he sang like a canary," he said as he realized the puzzle pieces were fitting very nicely.

"You got it. Said he was paid by Tico Santi to take out Paul Cramer. He wasn't given a why—just a how and a where."

"So if this guy shot Cramer then what is it with everyone else acting suspicious around here?"

"We've said it before—a lot of people had a grudge out on the guy. Maybe they all threatened him with a gun to leave or else that night, just nobody went through with actually pulling the trigger."

"Sounds simple enough. So is the Cramer case officially closed?"

"Yes, and so is the Santi case—Tico was moved today to Fed custody and Sonia is off to her next case. You know what that means?"

"Antonio isn't going to be gophering much?" said John with a slight laugh.

"I want you to take a week's vacation."

"Excuse me? I'm fine Bo—I can work another year and a half without needing a day off."

"I know that, but—I just want you to take a week off—relax, think about the important things, ignore facts and figures and suspects for the next few days. Deal?"

"Do I have another choice?" he asked as Bo shook his head and John was silent for a few moments. "Fine. Deal."

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Michael signed out and turned to go get his stuff out of his locker to see John coming off of the elevator, "Hey bro."

"Hey—how is he doing in there?"

"I'd avoid him like the plague if I were you—he doesn't care for me because I'm your brother."

"Well, that's his problem. I'm going out of town for a week and—."

"You and Evangeline going off for a week together—that's good, you need it to get your mind off other things."

"First, did I say Evangeline? No. Second, what other things would I have to get off my mind?"

Michael grinned and leaned in closer, "The woman you're in love with whose husband just returned from the dead. Why else would you come up here?"

"I came to tell you so in case you were looking for me you'd know where I was—and to watch Shannon. You remember her, don't you? This tall, brown hair, our cousin?"

"You sure are grouchy today. If this doesn't change I'm going to start calling you Oscar."

"See ya Michael," he said as he rolled his eyes and went back to the elevator.

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Natalie walked into the police station—it was lunch time and she knew the chances of him being there were slim. She'd talked to Mac, been able to work her schedule around so people could cover for her. Mac had said he was glad to see her smile again—and so he'd made it so when she came back she was working everyone else's days off for the next two weeks.

"Natalie," said Marcie as she was almost to John's office door—she needed to make sure she was off the hook with Paul's death before leaving.

"Hey."

"I heard about Cristian, that's so wonderful—it really is a miracle, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," she smiled. "We're going on our honeymoon—I just wanted to make sure I was cleared of Paul's death and could leave the state. We're thinking somewhere warm and romantic."

"John's not in."

"Oh, well when will he be back in?" she said, realizing she could have checked with her Uncle Bo—it wasn't necessary to see John, though she wanted to.

"Next week sometime—he was given a week off."

"But Paul's murder investigation—is it over yet?"

"Yeah—they found out Tico Santi hired a hit man. He's such an awful person, I can't believe Jessica married him—and to think he caused Cristian to be gone for a year--," she said as she continued to ramble on.

"Oh, well I guess I'm free to go. See you next week Marcie," she said as she walked down the hall—wondering where John might go for a week. "He'll probably spend the entire time cooped up his hotel room," she laughed to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: For one simple line and for the name Phoebe--I don't own the tv show Friends or characters--NBC does. :)

A/N: Everyone have a great weekend—and there is no doubt after yesterday's (Thursday's) episode why I love this couple so much. Until next time—I LOVE JOLIE (incase you didn't know already)—PCGirl.

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Cristian sat there at the small table in the hotel room looking at Natalie—she was putting her hair up for a nice dinner out but he could tell something was troubling her. "Tell me something--."

"Mmmm?" she said, turning around with bobby pins in her mouth.

"What is it you see in him?"

"Hmm whhh?" she said biting the bobby pins now.

"McBain. I mean we were leaving for our honeymoon finally and you said you had to go talk to him at the station. Why is that?"

Natalie took the bobby pins out of her mouth and put them on the counter, "I had to make sure I was fully cleared of Paul Cramer's murder before I left town. John's on the case—that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yes," she said with a reassuring smile.

"What's he like? I mean I guess I have a subjective view of the guy—but Antonio seems to be pretty cool with him, same with Bo—even you."

Natalie smiled a bit, "He's a white knight—he wants to save everyone from everything, sometimes he succeeds and sometimes he fails. He's a good cop though."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah, he saved my life twice with Stephen Haver."

"Who?"

Natalie gave a slight shiver, "He came to the University as a Professor. Completely fooled everyone that he was this normal man while in reality he was killing women off every two weeks. It wasn't the first serial killing he'd done—he'd done two others, one in Chicago and one—."

"What?"

"One in which John was investigating five—almost six years ago. Things got bad and Haver killed John's fiancé because John got cocky on an interview."

"That—that right there is why I don't like him Natalie. He doesn't care who he hurts—I mean because of him being cocky to a serial killer his fiance died. And because of his attitude in Las Vegas you could have died too."

"But I didn't die—and do you think he didn't mourn Caitlyn's death? He didn't know Haver did it—not until he came to Llanview and a videotape of her death was thrown into his face. But he moved on—he finally moved on that night," she said as her mind wandered back to that night he called her while she was in Atlantic City.

"What night?"

"It doesn't matter. All that matter's is that John was able to help me try to move on after you because he'd been through the same thing. But I don't have to move on because you are back in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way," she said with a smile as she came and sat down in his lap.

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John couldn't believe he'd agreed to a week of paid vacation. But Bo had a point—he'd been working pretty hard and with the both the Santi case and Cramer's murder wrapped into a neat little package he could afford to take a week's vacation. Instead of going to California or Florida—anywhere that was warm he'd ended up with a rented room in Atlantic City.

Walking into the dark bar he sighed at seeing her sitting at the bar, "What in the blazing saddles are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," grinned Sonia as she motioned for the bartender to get him a beer. "The FBI gave me a week off since the Santi thing was done—and you?"

"Small world," he grinned as he gave a nod to the bartender. "You've been working on that case for seven years, have no life, and end up coming to AC for your week off? What is wrong with that picture?"

"I'm just here because I've got a long drive ahead. I need to be up to New York by the morning to catch a flight to see family in Spain. Why are you here? I mean they didn't find Paul's killer yet, have they?"

"We found some papers at Tico's putting a hit man of his doing the deed."

"Bet you're glad Natalie is off the hook," she grinned.

"And what do you mean by that?"

Sonia rolled her eyes at him, "Come on McBain—don't play coy with me. I know what I've seen when you two look at each other—and the rest of Llanview has seen it also."

"Yeah, well Cristian is back now so it doesn't matter," he shrugged.

"Trust me—Cristian is going to see it—and when he does you better be on your toes. Those Vega boys can attack when you least expect it," she said with a wink.

"You gave up Antonio without much of a fight on Jessica's part."

"I know when something is supposed to be—they are and so are you and Natalie."

"Don't you have a drive up to New York tonight or something?"

"Yeah, I do," she said as she pulled out a ten and handed it to the bartender. "Enjoy your week of vacation and if I need help on the next case I might call you up to pick your brain."

"That's fine as that's all your picking," he said with a laugh as she left and he sat there trying to think of something, anything, other than Natalie Vega.

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Natalie shifted in the bed a bit as Cristian rolled over in the bed, pulling the covers closer to his face. They'd gone to dinner and had a great time—on the drive back to the hotel she'd seen a twenty four hour pool hall and suggested they go in there for a few games. His response was, I don't want to see another pool table til the day I die.

So instead they came back to the room, she got into something comfortable for bed and he fell asleep instantly. She couldn't though—something was gnawing at her brain and she couldn't figure out what it was.

She was fooling herself she knew exactly what it was that was bothering her—it was her friendship with John. His friendship was important to her—she just hoped that as time went on Cristian realized that and didn't start stupid accusations.

She sighed as she flipped the channel on the TV and landed on the end of an episode of Friends.

_See…He's her lobster._

Natalie laughed at hearing that line come out of Phoebe's mouth on the screen and then realized there were tears in her eyes. She had wanted John to be her _lobster_ for awhile, but now—now Cristian was back and he'd fought to come back to her so she had to fight for their marriage to work, even if it wasn't what she truly wanted. So she turned the television off and curled up next to him, her silent tears soon soaking the back of Cristian's shirt.

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John walked into his hotel room and threw the plastic card onto the dresser for sitting down on the bed. He reached for his cell phone and saw he had two missed calls and a message—both calls were out of area though.

"Hey Sweetie—it's mom. I called Michael to see how he was doing and he told me about you being on vacation for this week. I'm glad you're taking a few days off John—you need it. He also told me about Natalie's husband came back—I'm sorry John, though you'll never admit it, you two deserved to be together. Tell her I'm happy for her though. I love you and call me when you get a chance."

John took a look at the clock—she was probably getting ready for a show on the boat at the moment. He'd make sure to call her and chat later tomorrow. As for deserving being together—no, Natalie deserved to be happy and with Cristian she was happy.

He flipped the television on as he undid his tie and flipped his shoes off at the end of the bed. Nothing was on—unless you counted infomercials on a food processor that slices, dices, grates, and purees. Finally he found a channel with a pool tournament from Las Vegas go on. A chuckle came out of his mouth as he got up to grab a can of beer and watch the show.

The game went smoothly for awhile until the younger guy was set up with either scratching to keep the champ from winning again or taking a chance. _It's impossible_ said the commentator.

"No, what's impossible is Natalie and I staying friends through this," said John to himself before taking a swig of his beer. He kept the can up to his lips as he watched the kid hit his opponents ball and making it ricochet the eight ball into the side pocket. "Well, maybe it's not that impossible," he grinned.


	5. Chapter 5

"Welcome back, boss," smiled Antonio as he looked up from his desk to see John come around the corner. "How was your vacation? Mine without you hounding me was great," he said with a laugh.

"Same here," smiled John as he walked towards his office and Antonio followed him. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

"The same day you went on vacation Nat and Cris went on their honeymoon," said Antonio, waiting for a reaction from John.

"That's great, but I meant work wise."

"That's all I get?"

"He's your brother Antonio—and he deserves her, I don't. End of story—ok?"

He gave up trying to get anything else out of John now, "That's fine."

"Good—you've got a week of cases to get me caught up on. So if we're done discussing your family then take a seat and let's get started," he said as he pulled the first file out of the stack and began reading over it.

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John waited at the bar at Rodi's for his and Antonio's lunch order to be ready for pickup. He'd been pretty quiet all day—despite Antonio's constant bringing up of what he did during the week and the small bits he'd heard of Cris and Natalie's honeymoon.

There wasn't much to it though—he spent sometime at a nearby Pool Hall and a few times he went to one of the casino's to try his hand at blackjack. The rest of the time he'd stayed in his hotel room and to himself—except for one night when he met up with Roger for a few drinks.

"_So John—what's new with you?" asked Roger as he watched his former colleague drift into space._

"_Nothing much. Just got through a murder case and big bust all in one night. Boss gave me a few days off—said I needed it," he said, rolling his eyes in jest._

"_Where's your lady friend?"_

"_Who?"_

"_The red head—I saw how you were around her before. Don't tell me you two aren't an item yet," laughed Roger._

"_We're—friends," said John with hesitation._

"Friends," said John quietly as he came back to reality and looked up in time to see Natalie walk through the back door. "Hi."

"John—hi," she said, startled at seeing him, though he did brighten her day some.

"What wrong? You having a bad day?"

"No—it's just my first day back from our honeymoon and I found out I have two nights off between now and Christmas. I was just hoping I'd get more time to spend with Cris—not that the past week was good. How was yours? I heard before I left that you'd been given a week off," she said as she made herself stop rambling in front of John.

"It was—slow, but good. I talked to my mom—she said hi and is happy for you," he said as silence followed with them looking at each other and away.

Natalie couldn't stand it and broke the silence, "What's wrong with us John? We're sitting here in silence staring at each other because we're friends—we've always been friends so what is so different now? Is it impossible for us to be friends?"

"No, it's not—trust me."

"How do you know?"

John took a look at the pool table and saw it was empty, "Come with me."

"What are you doing?" she said with a slight laugh as she stood there and watched him push all the balls into the pockets except the cue ball, eight ball, and the two ball.

John turned around, smiling brightly and at the same time thinking this was crazy to say out loud, "The first night I was on vacation I was watching this pool tourney in Las Vegas and this kid—he had this shot right here to make to win. The commentator said it was impossible to pull off—and I said what you said—that our being friends was impossible."

"And did he make it?" she grinned at watching him this ecstatic about anything.

"Yeah—try it out," he said as he motioned her towards the pool table and began pointing out where exactly to hit the two ball to get the eight ball in the side pocket. "I'm going to touch your back to position you right—don't jump."

"I—I won't," she choked out the words as she took a deep breath at feeling his hand on her back.

"Straight ahead, Vega," he whispered before standing back and watching her sink the eight ball into the pocket.

"I did it!" she shouted as she jumped up and turned to hug John. "So what does this mean?"

"Yeah, what does this mean?" asked Cristian as he walked up behind the two of them—seeing the whole thing unfold from the door.

"Cris—hi," smiled Natalie as she gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. "John—was just putting something into perspective for me."

"Well, isn't that nice of him," he said glaring at John.

"Natalie—I need you up here. McBain—your food is ready," shouted Mac from behind the bar.

Natalie walked past Cristian to get back to work but when John tried to move Cristian pushed him back, "Let's make something clear—McBain. Natalie is my wife—and I'm back, so I seriously think you should take your lunch business elsewhere—not here and not at my Mami's diner either—are we clear?"

"Yeah—sure—whatever," said John as he walked past Cristian and went to pay for his food.

---------------

Natalie finished wiping down the counter at the end of the night and looked to see Cristian staring at the pool table, "Let me get my coat and we can lock up."

"That's fine," he said as he waited for her to come around back to the front. When she did he finally decided to ask, "Where did this come from?"

"It's—it's the one from Crossroads that John bought."

"And you still play—why is that?"

"I enjoy it—John and I have had some good games at times," she said as she tried to think of a game she didn't enjoy with him.

"What went on between you?" asked Cristian as he stood there trying not to let his voice rise too much.

Natalie knew what she wanted to say—a handful of kisses, a couple of fantasies, and one extremely close call—but instead she just replied, "Friendship—that's all that ever happened or will happen with me and John."

"Is that all you ever wanted to happen?"

She finally decided it was time to be honest, "No. At one point I wanted more than friendship, but we weren't at the same place in our lives at that point."

"What does that mean?"

"He hadn't gotten over Caitlyn and I was still grieving for you so nothing ever happened. Then we grew apart and I did some things I am really _really _ashamed to say I ever did. And then you came back to me. I'm sure I can tell you how rotten of a person I became while you were gone Cris."

"No, it's ok—I can see I'm upsetting you now with all of this. I love you Natalie—I just want to make sure I'm the only one that does."

"You are," she said, hiding the uncertainty in her voice. "I'm tired, Cris—can we go home now?"

"Yeah, let's go," he said as he put his arm around her and left.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry if this chapter is choppy--I can't figure out a way to un-choppy it. hehehe. Cru, I've updated so now it's your turn. ;) Until next time--PCGirl.

* * *

John choked down the last bite of the awful burger he was eating and finished his coffee—it had been five days since he'd set foot in either Rodi's or the Diner, but he couldn't stand the food in the dive he'd found on the edge of town. Tomorrow, he decided, he was going to find a new place that served better food.

He took a look at his watch, just enough time to meet Mac at the back of Rodi's to pick up Antonio's order and then nobody would know he wasn't eating there beforehand. He turned to leave and stopped at seeing Antonio standing there, "Hey," he said with a smile and laugh. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he said as he took a look around and pulled out a chair to sit in it. "Talk to me John—what are you doing in a dive like this?"

"Thought of a change of venue."

"And my Mami's isn't good enough for you either?" he said with a laugh.

"It's nothing personal—let's just call it a good intention."

"Natalie--," he sighed.

"Yeah, she's trying to get back to what she had with Cris, and me being around—it isn't working, that much is obvious. So I decided to start trying out a few different places," he said as the waitress came to repour his coffee and he waved her away. John leaned in and whispered, "Between you and me—the coffee at the station is better."

Antonio laughed and got up out of his seat, "Then let's get out of here and go pick up my lunch."

"You know?" he said as he threw some money on the table and waved to the waitress.

"I followed you here yesterday—Natalie asked Jessica if we'd been busy at the station and then it got back to me you were never coming to Rodi's for lunch. Yesterday I watched you come here and then pick up my lunch but didn't call you on it—today you aren't quiet as lucky."

---------------------

Natalie looked at her watch one more time—another hour and a half and she was off the clock and then it was back to the cottage to clean up before starting dinner. Somehow she'd been talked into or agreed with the idea of having a nice dinner with her, Rex, Jessica, and Marcie—of course Marcie and Rex were bringing Michael and Shannon. It was a time for her to get to spend some time with Rex and maybe somehow she could prove to Cristian that the McBain's weren't all that bad.

She looked at the entry and saw Evangeline and gave her a smile as she came to the bar, "What can I get you?"

"I'll just have a chicken sandwich and a diet coke. How is everything with you lately?" she said, extremely nervous about talking to Natalie.

"Good. Cris and I are good. How are you and John?" asked Natalie as she handed Evangeline her drink.

"We're—not together anymore. I figured he would have told you that already."

"No," said Natalie as she shook her head. "I haven't seen him in days—figured that my Uncle Bo was just keeping him super busy now that he had his vacation, I know Mac's doing that with me," she laughed.

"They aren't that busy at all, really."

"Oh, well—let me get your order put in," she shrugged as she turned towards the kitchen.

-------------------

"What do you need help with?" asked Jessica as she walked into the cottage kitchen and saw Natalie standing there with her hair pulled into a loose bun and her sleeves rolled up.

"Garlic bread—it needs to be prepared and put in the oven," said Natalie as she put the bread into Jess' hands and turned back to the stove where the water for the spaghetti was boiling.

"Calm down, Nat. This is just a good friendly dinner. Nobody is grading you on this, you do know that?" laughed Jessica as she found a knife to cut the bread.

"I know, but it's the first dinner I've been able to really prepare for Cristian since he got back. Thank goodness Mac let me change my schedule so I was on mid-shift today."

"It'll be fine—Rex is bringing drinks and Marcie had time to make a dessert—they should be here any minute. Antonio talked to John not eating at Rodi's lately today."

"Oh," she said as he mind went to something else that needed to be done.

"He said he'll starting eating there again tomorrow," she said as she watched her sister's face light up a little. "But you know what--let's get off the topic of the only McBain that's not going to be here tonight—what are you getting Mom for Christmas?"

-------------------

"So who is it that's coming for dinner again?" asked Cristian as he and Antonio sat in the living room waiting for the rest to show up.

"Rex and his girlfriend Shannon and Marcie and--," he said as there was a knock on the door and he got up to answer it. "Hey—welcome. I'll go take this to the kitchen," he said as he took the cake from her hands and turned to see Cristian now standing with a look in his eye. "Is there a problem?"

"Who invited him?" he said looking at Michael.

"I'm dating Marcie—you have a problem with that?"

"Maybe I do."

"Then you have a problem with me," said Shannon as she brazenly walked straight up to Cristian.

"And you are--?"

"Shannon McBain—his cousin and I believe I'm dating your brother-in-law," she said with a cocky grin on her face.

Antonio gave a deep sigh, "I'll be right back."

Cris looked to see Antonio was gone before speaking, "I think it's a really good idea if the two of you leave."

"Excuse me?" said Shannon and Rex at the same time.

"Rex. Marcie. You two are more than welcome to stay, but Natalie and I have had enough of the McBain name to last us more than a lifetime," he said as he turned to walk towards the kitchen.

"Hey. You know what? Let's take this party to Ultra Violet—drinks are on me tonight," huffed Rex as he set down the alcohol he'd brought on the table and left.

---------------------

"I'll call some of my old connections and see what I can find out, Sonia."

"Thanks—and John, remember what I said earlier—I could really use your help with this."

"I will," he said as he hung up the phone and leaned back on the bed. Sonia was on her new case and had picked his brain for the past hour on names and motives—somewhere through the information he was giving her she'd asked if he enjoyed the fast pace of the FBI still and he said yeah. The next thing he knew, she was trying to get him to join her for this case—she said it was only one case and it would be short, nothing like the Santi investigation. He said he'd think about—and he was already thinking about it. Leaving Llanview wouldn't be that bad and he wouldn't be gone long—it couldn't hurt anything, except for maybe Natalie would get closer to Cristian again. But that's what he wanted to happen—or that was at least what he'd continue telling himself and all around him.

John shrugged off the thoughts of reentering the FBI and Natalie and decided a nice walk would hopefully clear his head.

----------------------

"Natalie—I think you need to come out into the living room," sighed Antonio as he reached the doorway and could make out Cristian saying something now.

"Why? What is it?" she said as she looked at him.

"Cris doesn't like Shannon and Michael being here."

"Why not?" asked Jessica as she realized the problem. "Oh good grief—this is ridiculous," she said as she put down the butter knife and began to walk past Antonio and nearly ran into Cristian.

"I was just coming in here to say it'll be just the four of us eating tonight after all."

"Cris," sighed Natalie as she put down the spoon and walked past him. "Where are they Cristian? What did you say to them?" she yelled as she saw the cake and alcohol they had brought but they were gone.

"I told Marcie and Rex they could stay if they wanted to."

"Why would you make them leave though, Cris? They are both good people—you have to look past the last name and see who the real person is.

"Well if they share DNA with that idiot McBain then I don't want to get to know them. Why did he leave the agency anyways?" he asked as the other three began looking at each other. "He didn't leave the agency willingly—did he? I can't believe you three—this guy was fired from the FBI, and I don't want to know why—he made me lose a year of my life with friends and family and you are _still_ friends with that guy," he said and then stared at them in silence before walking out of the kitchen and then up the stairs.

-------------------

John was passing through the office when he heard his name being called and turned to see both Michael and Shannon standing there, "Hi—is there a problem?"

"Yes," said Shannon loudly and then realized all eyes were on her now.

"O-kay," said John as he shook his head in uncertainty about what was wrong with them. "Let's go to my office. So what is the problem, boys and girls?" he said with a grin when they got to the door and he shut it behind himself.

"Cristian Vega. He's so—ugh—how can Natalie stand him?" groaned Shannon while Michael just stood there in silence at watching his cousin make a fool out of herself.

John opened his mouth and closed it before turning to his brother—who he knew would give him the abbreviated version, "Why don't you give me the story?"

"Natalie and Jessica invited us over for dinner last night—Marcie, Rex, Shannon, and I showed up at the same time. Antonio opens the door and invites us in. Cristian saw me--."

"Still doesn't like the McBain name?" grinned John slightly.

"He asks who invited me and Antonio explained I was dating Marcie, and then Rex begins to introduce Shannon--."

"And all hell broke loose?"

"Not quiet, but Cristian wouldn't even talk to anyone but Antonio."

"Where was Natalie?"

"Getting dinner ready, I suppose," he shrugged. "So Antonio went to get her and then Cristian says maybe it'd be the best thing for all of us if me and Shannon left—saying that Marcie and Rex were welcomed to stay. So all four of us left at that point."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear he's being such a jerk, but what exactly do you two want me to do about it?"

"Tell Natalie to get away from the loser. He's controlling and manipulative--," said Shannon, cutting off Michael from answering.

"And he's her husband. Natalie knows what she's doing, and I know she probably wasn't too pleased with his behavior. Anything else I can help you with?"

"That's all you're going to say?" said Shannon in shock.

"Yeah."

"Come on, Shannon," said Michael as he took her by the shoulders and gave his brother a disapproving look before closing the door behind him.

John had gone back to work when a few minutes later Michael came back in and stood there while his brother ignored him, "Michael—I'm busy—can this wait?"

"No—don't worry, it won't take long. I know you and Evangeline split before you went on vacation."

"Yeah—is that a problem?"

"No—I never really could picture you with her down the road to be honest. Now Natalie—remember the dinner Marcie threw for Mom and us? That night I think was the first time I saw you and Natalie as a couple that night."

"Well, that's in the past now Mike."

"You still love her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you still love Natalie? I'm not going to sit here and wait for an answer—you never admit your true feelings about anything or anyone. I'm just saying John—if you love her then fight for her, don't let Cristian win this stupid war," he said as he got up, gave a nod to his brother and left quietly.

John stared at the door for a few moments before returning to the papers on his desk, there were two times when he hated his brother—when he was being an ass and when he was right. This time it was because he was right.


	7. Chapter 7

John shuffled the folders on his desk around as he thought about what Michael said before--to not let Cristian win the war. He didn't want to let Cris win--but then he didn't want to be the cause of a failed marriage. The way Cristian wasacting though, the marriage might just fail by no fault of John's.

If that was the case--then there would be no harm in staying close friends with Natalie in case she needed a shoulder to cry on. John grinned at how he justifiedhis future actions--but then, Natalie was worth it.

--------------

Jessica walked into the cottage with extreme hesitation—her and Antonio had talked long into the night and this morning over coffee also about what to do—let Cris alienate himself and Natalie from everyone but themselves, or try to give John and Natalie one last chance at making something happen with them. John and Natalie had won.

"Hey—is Cristian here?" asked Jessica before she began her interrogation of her sister's life until the name John came up—which she knew wouldn't take long.

"No, he went over to the diner to see Carlotta before I was up. I'm surprised I slept in late," said Natalie as she feebly attempted to straighten the living room that she had already straightened three times before.

"Well, how well could you have slept after last night? Did you two talk at all?"

"No—it's getting harder and harder to talk to Cristian about his actions lately. He's blaming every single little thing on John. You have no idea how difficult it's been lately, Jess. I mean I love Cris—don't ever think that I don't, but I keep waiting for John to walk into Rodi's while I'm working and challenge him to a game of pool," she said with a slight wander in her eye at the past games they'd played.

"Then why don't you? I mean you two still are friends, right?"

"Yeah—but Cris doesn't like me even talking to him."

"Oh god Natalie—John was your friend for a year, you two almost became more than friends a few times. Cris just can't expect you to forget the past year. John saved your life how many times?"

"I know that—do you think I'm not grateful for John being my white knight for the past year? But now I can't focus on that at all—Cris is back in my life and he's my husband and the man that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with."

"Then why are you upset about not playing pool with John?" grinned Jessica. "I mean like you said—Cris is the one you want to be with, not John—right?"

"Right."

"Ok, well you keep making your heart believe that and maybe one day it will be true. I have to get to the newspaper before Todd decides to fire his favorite niece."

"Jessica—you cannot leave me after saying that," said Natalie as she turned in her chair and watched her sister walking out of the room.

"Sure I can—I'll see you tonight," she said with a huge grin on her face, knowing the seed was planted into her sister's head now.

------------------

"Glad we could be of service," said John to the elderly white haired woman as he and Antonio walked away from her apartment after returning her purse that was stolen while she was out shopping the day before.

Antonio looked over at John and could read his face, "This isn't exactly the reason you signed up for the force, is it?"

"No," laughed John. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind—maybe I should take Sonia up on her offer after all," he said under his breath, thinking to himself.

"You talked to Sonia?"

"Yeah," said John as he realized he'd thought out loud without trying to. "I helped her with a few contacts for her new case last night—it's nothing big, but it's definitely connected to what I've dealt with in the past."

"And she asked for your help," finished Antonio as he tried to decipher why John was so nervous about saying that.

"Nothing is in stone, it would keep my senses more fine tuned."

"Quit kidding yourself—you are getting tired of returning stolen purses and petty crimes for a living, and I don't blame you," laughed Antonio as his phone rang, "Hello."

"Hey. I need to talk to you about something I found out this morning—can you come by when you get a chance," said Jessica as she sat behind her desk at the newspaper.

"Sure. I'll be over there in a few," he said as he ended the call and put his phone back in it's place. "That was Jess—said she needs to talk about something. You want to me to drop you off at Rodi's and you pick up lunch for the two of us—give you a chance to hear Natalie apologize profusely."

John tried to hide the idea of seeing Natalie after days of avoidance so he just gave a nod and got into the car silently.

-----------------------

"Hello," smiled Jessica as she looked up to see Antonio coming into her small office. "How are you today?"

"Good—and you?" he smiled as he leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"I'm good—I might have put a seed in Natalie's head though earlier."

"It's ok, I think I did the same thing with John."

"Are we doing the right thing, Antonio? I mean Cristian is your brother and my friend—and here we are trying to break up a marriage that never even had a chance."

"Well, it might still have a chance if John does what he was talking about."

"What? Antonio—don't you hold out on me now."

"John's been talking to Sonia a lot—she's on her next case and was asking for his help. He was thinking of joining her and they work together—give him a change of scenery for awhile."

"But Sonia was on the Santi case for seven years—if this one is bigger than the Santi case then he could be gone so long that it doesn't matter when he gets back."

"First, there will never be a bigger case than the Santi's and second—we're just going to have to work harder to get these two where they belong—together."

---------------------

Natalie kept looking towards the door and at the clock—she was trying to be patient, but kept hoping that John was going to show up for lunch today. She kept telling herself it was because she needed to apologize for the way Cris treated Michael and Shannon and nothing to do with what Jessica had said.

"He'll be here soon enough," said Mac as he walked up beside Natalie.

"Who?"

"McBain—you keep watching the door waiting for him to come in," he said with a grin as she tried to argue with him and he motioned towards the door and she turned to see John walk in.

"Hey," she said with a smile.

"Hey. How have you been doing? Everything good with Cristian?" he asked Natalie as he put two fingers up to Mac on how many orders he needed today.

"It's good—everything is really good," she said, not even believing herself. "Well, except for last night."

John gave a slight chuckle, "Michael and Shannon came by earlier."

"Oh no—I'm so sorry—they must think I'm horrible."

"No, it wasn't your fault at all—and they know that. Cris—he's just got to learn that we're living here also and not going anywhere."

"I keep trying to tell him that, but I think it's useless," she sighed.

"Let's get off the topic of Cristian—ok? Anything fun planned for your only other night off before Christmas?"

"Yeah, it's tonight actually—Jess and I are going to rent a bunch of movies and just have a girl's night."

"Sounds like you'll have fun—and you deserve it Natalie," he said as Mac brought out a brown to go bag and John handed over his money. He gave her a smile and began to leave but stopped and looked at her, "Listen—I know you're with Cristian and I want it to work for you, but if you ever need someone other than Jess to vent to—my door is always open."

"Thanks," she smiled brightly.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I wanted this chapter out before Christmas--oh well, too bad--boo hoo--you'll just have to deal with it. ;) Just kidding! You guys reviews always make me smile--glad I can give you all a little Jolie happiness while we dredge through another triangle/quadrangle on the show. Until next time--ya'll truly are the best--PCGirl

* * *

Natalie sat at the bar at Rodi's and took another glance at her watch—Jessica was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago and was still a no show. She took out her phone and dialed, "Hey—where are you?"

"Oh no Natalie—I completely forgot about girl's night. Todd gave me this huge story to work on and it's going to take me at least another two hours to straighten out my sources. Can we do it tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, I guess that's fine. I'll talk to you sometime tomorrow I guess," said Natalie as they said their goodbye's and she slipped off the stool and nearly ran into John—a smile appearing on her face immediately. "Hi."

"Hey—What are you still doing here?"

"Jessica said she'd meet me here, but--," she stopped as her phone began ringing and as she answered hers John answered his. "Sorry bout that—it was Cristian, he said he was going to spend some time with Antonio tonight."

"Ok—that's really odd because that was Antonio saying Jessica had a bad day at work so he was taking her to that nice restaurant that overlooks the river."

"No, Jessica just called me—she's working late at the Paper. What is going on here?"

John laughed slightly, "I believe we've been set up by Antonio and Jessica—I was supposed to meet Antonio here for a few drinks after work."

Natalie grinned at John, "Now why would they want to do that?"

"Maybe they thought we could use a good friend to shoot the breeze with," shrugged John as he looked at the pool table. "And a few games of pool?"

"I left my pool stick at home—but I guess that will give you more of a chance to beat me, McBain," laughed Natalie as she motioned for two beers to be brought over to the pool table.

------------

"It's weird not coming in here all the time anymore," said Natalie as they stood outside of the Hotel. They had ended up playing four games of pool—each winning two and deciding a draw was just fine. Since then they'd just been walking around Angel Square and talking about everything—except for three things—Evangeline, Cristian, and them.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean for so long I was coming here to see you, and then I was living here with Paul."

"You don't like living at the cottage now?"

"No, I love it. Everything is great, and I'm finally getting to make that place a home for both Cristian and us. It was only ours for a brief second before he was gone and then Roxy came in. Remember the tree last year?" she asked with a laugh.

"You think Cris will let you decorate the tree with a pink boa this year?"

"I don't know—I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask," she said with a shrug and looked around as her mind wondered what to say to him. This was awkward—it had never been awkward with John before—before Cristian came back.

"Hey—I've got some beer up in my room—you want to take them up to the roof and have a few before you head back to the cottage? I'm sure whatever it is Antonio and Jessica have planned it should keep Cristian from looking for you for another hour or so."

"Sure—that sounds like something fun to do."

"After you then," said John as he held open the door and motioned for her to walk in first.

------------------

"This Christmas sure is different from last year's," said Natalie as she sat on the bench while John leaned against the wall looking towards her. "I mean last year—I thought Cristian was dead, and here it is—we're not running from serial killers either," she said with a laugh.

"Yeah—tell me about it. It's so slow at the station—I—nevermind."

"What were you about to say?"

"Nothing," he shrugged—not wanting to bring up his possible leave from the force.

Natalie knew he was holding back something, but let it slide—they were just friends from now on, he didn't have to tell her everything. "So anything fun planned for Christmas?"

"Yeah, actually," smiled John. "Michael, Shannon, and I are taking a flight down to Florida where we're surprising my mom on Christmas Eve. Figured it would make her day to have her two boys and niece with her to celebrate the holiday."

"I'm sure it will be—she always seems her happiest when she has you two around. And maybe with Shannon gone Rex will realize how much better she is for him than Jen," laughed Natalie. "Sorry, that was wrong."

"No, it wasn't—though I will say if he does anything to hurt her—your brother will have to deal with both me and Michael."

"Ooo—going to play big brother, are you?"

"I always do that with people I care about," he said and then got very silent.

"Natalie?" came a muffled call from the stairwell and Natalie's eyes got huge.

"Shh—I'm not here," said John as she tossed her empty beer can at him and he hid around the corner as she gave him a silent thank you.

"Cris—hi," she smiled as she turned to see the door open.

"Hey—what are you doing up here?"

"I visited Roxy for a bit and then came up here to see if it was going to snow—I don't think it is," she said as she looked up at the sky and Cris came behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Wouldn't it be great if we had a white Christmas?"

"Yeah, I guess it would be nice. You ready to go home?"

"Uhm, sure—no reason to stay up here," she said with hesitation as Cristian took her hand and led her down the stairs.

John couldn't help but hear the hesitation in her voice when she left—he hoped it was because she'd rather be with him, but he figured he'd have to wait a bit longer and let Natalie make the first move—she was always good with doing that.

-----------------

John heard the tentative knock on his door and looked up to see Antonio come in, "Hey. How is Jessica feeling?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, she's fine—just had a bad day at the office, you know how it is. Sorry I had to bail at the last minute—she just wouldn't take no for an answer."

"It's ok, you don't have to apologize," he said as he realized Antonio was about to start digging for what he did last night instead—too bad he was going to come up with air.

"So what did you do last night instead? Anything interesting?"

"Unless you call sitting in my room last night and listen to the radio interesting—nothing."

"Nothing? You didn't find someone else to hang out with?"

"Nope," said John as he kept his head down and avoided eye contact.

"Well, Bo's got some stuff for me to do—I'll come by later," said Antonio as he backed out of the door and turned to go find a place to call Jessica.

John grabbed the phone and before he was done dialing he was smiling, "Hey."

"Hey," smiled Natalie as she walked into her bedroom and shut the door. "By the tone of your voice I'm guessing you were just questioned by Antonio as to what you did last night."

John laughed, "Jess over there?"

"Yeah, came by for breakfast—I didn't tell her anything, did you tell him?"

"Nope. Figured I'd let his mind wander for a bit."

"Or make them feel like that failed their mission. About last night—when Cristian came in—thanks for not letting him know you were there. I know there were a few things I said—about how he's acting so different, but I still love him and want this to work—if he saw me with you last night I don't know what would have happened."

"It's ok, don't worry about it," he said as Antonio opened the door and peeked his head inside. "Antonio's here—if I don't talk to you before I leave this afternoon have a Merry Christmas."

"You too. Bye."

----------------

"So what do you think they did last night? I mean they are both saying nothing and avoiding eye contact?" asked Jessica as they sat at a table at Rodi's. John had to get some things done before he left so he'd declined lunch—said to just bring him something from wherever was closest.

"Something happened, but I think they also know what we did."

"Set them up?" asked Jessica as she turned to see Natalie walking in and towards their table.

"Hey. You two talking about John and me?" she said with a grin as Jess blushed and looked down at the table. "We had a good time last night—talked and laughed a lot—which is what we needed. And now—I need some help from the both of you," she smiled as she pulled the chair backwards and straddled it as she told them about what she was thinking of doing.

------------------

"Explain to me why I'm helping you do this?" laughed Antonio as he looked around the station real quick with a red sack on his shoulders.

"It's—he helped me get in a good mood last year on Christmas by doing this. I'm just returning the favor. You sure he's not going to show up before we get this finished?" asked Natalie as she closed John's door and put her bag down on the floor.

"Not if we work fast."

-------------------

"Any messages for me, Marcie?" asked John as he walked into the station to go by his office for a few more minutes before packing it up and meeting with Michael and Shannon to head to the airport.

"No messages—but you did have a package delivered to your office. They didn't say who it was from, but Antonio signed for it," she said as she kept her eyes on what she was typing.

"Thanks," he said as he wondered who'd send him anything and continued to his office, humming a little carol out loud as he walked. The humming stopped as he opened the door and his jaw dropped—scattered around his office had to be somewhere between thirty and fifty fruitcakes. He saw a note that looked like Antonio had written it, "Check your messages."

He picked up his phone and dialed to get to his messages quickly and smiled at hearing Natalie's voice, "Hey John. I guess you are wondering what's up with the fruitcakes—actually you should know what is up with them. I was just returning the favor. Tell your mom Merry Christmas for me—and hope you have a Merry Christmas yourself. I'll see you when you get back—bye."

John hung up the phone and laughed—grabbing a few boxes to take to Bo, Daniel, Nora and anyone else that was still around the station.


	9. Chapter 9

"Look at him—faking that he's asleep just so we'll stop discussing you-know-who," grinned Shannon as she leaned over to Michael in the airplane and motioning to John next to her, who had taken his coat and used it as a pillow and shut his eyes ten minutes ago and didn't even move a muscle when she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Johnny," said Michael as he leaned forward to see around his cousin.

"What Michael?" groaned John, hoping this wouldn't be another Natalie discussion.

"How many of those fruitcakes were you able to get rid of before we left?"

"Twenty seven—including four that I gave to Marcie. I'd be expecting at least one from her for a present and I'll give you the other ten that are still in my office if this is some way to bring up Natalie again."

"Yeah, speaking of Natalie—," smiled Shannon as she grinned at Michael.

"That's it, I'm never going on vacation with you two ever again," he yelled and sat up in the seat.

"I was just going to say that when you and Natalie get married and if Rex and I get married—we'll be brother and sister-in-laws, or something like that."

"We're not getting married Shannon—she's already married, remember?"

"You can't fight the inevitable, John," she said with a grin which caused him to groan and smother himself in his coat.

----------------

Natalie stopped searching but stayed in a squatted position in the Cottage attic—it had to be here somewhere, it didn't just sprout legs and walk off. She hadn't wanted to see it or look at it when it first came, but now some part of her wanted to see the painting tonight. Could someone from the Love Project came over here and moved it? She heard Cristian calling for her and she turned her head towards the door, "I'm up in the attic, Cris."

It was then she saw the edge of the painting and smiled as she stood up and grabbed it behind some other items and began staring at it.

"Hey—what are you doing up here? We're supposed to be over at Llanfair in a bit," said Cristian as he came to the door and saw her looking at the painting. "What is that?"

"It's the painting you did for me for our Christmas last year—before it made me cry to look at this painting so I put it away for when it wasn't so painful," she said as she sat it down and smiled up at Cristian. "But you are here now, and that is all that matters," she said as she kissed him—he'd been in such a good mood she hoped it would last forever, it definitely made her want to work harder to keep their marriage together.

-----------------

"Ready for hugs and squeals of joy?" laughed Michael as he knocked on the hotel room door and heard a muffled call to come in from the other side. They didn't enter but just knocked again and heard their mother's footsteps come to the door and open it to see her two sons and niece standing there.

"Merry Christmas!" sang all three in perfect harmony as she pulled them into a huge hug.

"You three—how—why—what's all this for?" she said as she wiped the tears away and looked at them closer as they walked into the hotel room.

"We can't come visit our mom for Christmas?" asked John.

"Oh you three can come whenever you like—this was just so unexpected. I was planning on going out and having a nice dinner alone, but now—now I have my family together," she said while again wiping the tears. "Let me look at you three—have you all been eating good? Not working yourselves too hard," she said glaring at both Michael and John.

"We're fine mom—we're eating good and watching each other's backs—right Shan?" smiled Michael.

"Ok, I have to hear the story behind that because I know there is one. Let me redo my makeup—I probably look horrible, and we'll go find a nice place to eat dinner and I want to hear about _all _of your lives—that includes John and what is going on with Natalie now," she smiled and turned towards the bathroom.

"Busted," whispered Michael under his breath and saw John give him a glare to be quiet.

------------------

"Merry Christmas, Sweetheart," said Vicki as Natalie and Cristian walked into Llanfair carrying a bag of presents along with some food Natalie had made.

"Hi Mom. Merry Christmas," smiled Natalie as she gave her mom a kiss on the cheek and handed off her food to one of the staff members that came from the kitchen door.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Davidson," said Cristian softly.

"How are we doing today?" asked Vicki, happy to see her daughter smiling like her normal self.

"Good," said Natalie as she squeezed Cris' hand and heard the front door open and turned to see Roxy walking in. "Hi Roxy."

"Hey—wait a second, let me get a picture of you two," said Roxy as she fumbled with her purse and camera strap and dropped her plastic bag in her hand, a liquid oozing out of it quickly and Cristian running to help her.

Natalie tried to laugh, "I hate to ask—but what was in that?"

"Just a bottle of rum—thought I'd bring a hostess gift. Oh, and a fruitcake," said Roxy as Cristian pulled out the box from the bag now leaking all over the foyer floor.

"I'll get a staff member to clean it up and a trash bag also," said Vicki as she went into the kitchen and Cristian followed her.

"Roxy—my mom really was going to thank you for the hostess gift. Where did you get the fruitcake from?" she asked, knowing she'd bought the store out of them for John's present.

"It was from Johnny boy—he dropped it off while I was in the middle of doing a dye so I didn't get a chance to thank him. Speaking of Johnny—did I ever show you the picture I took of the two of you here last year? Let me tell you—you two were one hot comradery. Too bad Cristian had to come back."

Natalie's went huge at what Roxy said, "Roxy. That is so uncalled for."

"You know me—I just call 'em like I see 'em."

------------------

"And don't forget my beer," called John as his mom closed the hotel room door for Michael and Shannon as they went down to the bar to get some drinks and make a few phone calls back home. Eve turned to look at him sitting on the bed and John suddenly felt like a small child about to be disciplined as she sat down next to him.

"How are you doing, John?"

"Me? I'm great—work is slow, but it's good."

"That's not what I'm talking about, honey," she said as she grasped his hand. "Tonight at dinner I remembered a specific Christmas dinner—it was just you and me that year, your father had passed away and Michael—he couldn't make it home for Christmas that year," she said, her eyes wandering off to another time.

"Yeah, I sat there with both chairs and tried to be him and myself at the same time," he said with a laugh—remembering telling Natalie that story not so long ago.

"You did that to make me happy that year—you were always trying to make everyone else happy, whether you were the reason they were heartbroken or not. I think you did that with Natalie also—made her happy when her heart was breaking inside for Cristian."

"Yeah, well maybe I should have just let her be—then we wouldn't have this problem."

"Problem?"

John got up off the bed and walked around the room some before speaking, starting with a slight chuckle, "I don't know if it would have helped any if I'd avoided her like I wanted to after Cristian died last year—the first time I saw her at Crossroads, I knew then she was something special. But I drug my feet—felt like I didn't deserve to love again, especially a woman whose husband was dead because of me.

"You know, I've been trying to figure out what Evangeline was—why was I attracted to her? Was I trying to get even with Nat for lying to me about being with Paul? Probably. Most likely. Hiding my feelings also—we had so many arguments about why I was with Evangeline and she was with Paul—she wanted me to admit I had feelings for her. Truth is—I had them from day one, I just wasn't ready to love again.

"I'm glad you finally are admitting this—you deserve to be happy, John. And I think Natalie is the one to do that."

John shook his head, "She's with Cristian—she wanted to be with him for so long and when he came back she still wanted to be with him."

"Michael said something at dinner about fruitcake—want to share that with me?"

John laughed at his mom, "Last year I wanted to get a smile on her face so I got a Santa bag and filled it with fruitcakes—she returned the favor this year by filling my office with them."

"Sounds like you mean something to her."

"Friendship—that's all, we've said it to each other multiple times since he's been back. I'm not giving up on something more—Cristian keeps slipping with her, he's acting different—before too long he might just slip up enough that she realizes he's not the man from before. But until then—I'll sit on the bench until it's my turn to go to bat for Natalie's heart."

"I think you might already have it," smiled Eve.

"You think so? I know one thing—she has mine. She's the first person since Caitlyn to make me feel the way I do."

"Why don't you tell her that?" asked Eve as he started to argue with her and she interrupted him, "Tell her that—it might help you get off the bench a little quicker."

-----------------

Natalie wiped her hands on her pants and walked into the living room to see just Roxy and Vicki sitting on the couch, "Where'd Jess go?"

"She went for a late night walk with Antonio. Did Cristian leave?"

"Yeah, he's got a headache," she sighed—remembering how often they came since he'd been back. "But tonight was a good night, I think—what do you think?"

"I think he seemed like he felt he belonged here again. He's had bad days—especially when he sees John," she said, wishing she hadn't said his name.

"Well, can you blame him? I mean he was gone and you were all rooty tooty fresh and fruity with McBain," smiled Roxy as she leaned against the edge of the couch.

"Roxanne—please. What happened with John and I is now in the past—anyways, Cristian doesn't even know what really happened between us. And I'd like if it were to stay that way," she said as her adopted mother pouted a bit and got up off the couch. "Roxy, I'm sorry—I didn't mean it like that to hurt your feelings."

"I know—it's just, well I kinda liked you with Johnny. You two came from the same place and have been through the same pains in life—he understands you pretty good."

"I know he does. Let me to walk you out,"saidNatalie as she got up to walk her to the door.

"Merry Christmas, Vix," smiled Roxy.

"Merry Christmas, Roxanne."

"I know you like John, but I also know you liked Cris before. It's taking some used to, but try for me—please?" said Natalie as she hugged her tightly.

"I'll do anything for you, Babe," said Roxy as she patted her daughter on the cheek. "Sometimes though—it's easier to go forward than backwards."

"I know," smiled Natalie as she closed the door and went back into the living room and sat next to her mom, lying her head on her shoulder, "You want me to help clean up before I go?"

"No, don't worry about it sweetheart. I think I know what Roxanne was trying to say a minute ago. In her way she was trying to say though making Cristian is happy is a good intention on your part, Natalie—you have you be happy also."

"I know—," said Natalie as she gave a deep sigh and received a kiss on her forehead from Vicki.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Don't you just hate writer's block? It's even worse when the show gives you no inspiration at all--thankfully there's this humorous story I've read recently entitled "Wussman" that gave me some. hehehehe. ;) Until next time--PCGirl.

* * *

John walked into Rodi's and had to push his way through a crowd to the bar—it was rarely this crowded, and never so at lunch during the week. He was able to make it to the bar and saw a tired and harried Natalie working one end and Mac at the other end. He watched her work, her mind on nothing else than the task at hand—at least somebody was able to keep their mind on their work.

She turned to go into the kitchen and saw him standing there waiting to give his order and gave him a quick smile before disappearing. A minute later she came back out with a paper bag for him and a tray with an order for another customer, "Here you go, John."

"Thanks—if I'd known it was this busy I'd gone somewhere else," he said with a laugh.

"You going to start cheating on me and Mac again?" she said with a grin.

"Not if I value my life," he said with a wink and they heard Mac call Natalie's name from the other end of the bar.

"I better let you go before you lose your job—but I want to talk to you about something later. What time do you get off?"

"Four. I'll come by the station when I get off," she smiled and gave a nod as he handed her over some money and went back through the crowd.

---------------

Natalie pulled her coat tighter around her and walked out into the cold—it was 4:30 and she was just now leaving Rodi's to go meet John. They had finally settled down around three, but then her relief got a flat tire and was twenty minutes late for work—just when he showed up the crowd came in and she offered to help for a few minutes.

She hadn't gone far when an arm reached out and grabbed her—pulling her into the alley. She tried to let out a scream but her mouth was covered in an instant and she relaxed in the arms that held her.

"Hey," said the soft voice as he pulled away and looked at her.

"Cris—hi," she said softly—trying to disguise the fact she thought it was someone else at first.

"I was wondering what was going on in there—people kept going in, but you never came out."

"It was just really busy today."

"Well, I have a great evening planned for us—starting with something special," he said with a big smile.

"Oh really? Tell me."

"No, you have to trust me," he said taking her hand and leading her back onto the street. "Do you have anything else planned this afternoon?"

"Uhm, no. I guess it can wait."

------------------

John took another glance at the clock—something must have came up and Natalie couldn't make it. It hadn't been that important—he'd just decided the first step with Natalie was to let her know how she finally allowed him to walk away from Caitlyn. His hope had been she'd see this as a stepping stone towards something more—a future together perhaps.

The phone pulled him out of his thoughts and he answered, "McBain."

"John? Are you ok?" asked Sonia on the other line.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What can I do for you, Agent Toledo?"

"A lot. I came across something huge last night—and I know for certain I can't deal with this case all by myself."

"The agency won't send you help?"

"Everyone that dealt with this guy before is either dead or left the agency."

"What's the name?" he asked as he grabbed a pen to write it down.

"Jeffery Curtis. Sound familiar?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah. I was sure he'd gone underground for the rest of his life. Kathryn and I—that was the case that brought us together as partners."

"That's what I was told. Listen, John—I know you are enjoying the small life, but if this thing gets bigger and the agency keeps denying me any assistance—I'm going to have to walk away from the case or possibly get myself killed. I've never walked away from a case John, and I'm not going to start now."

"I'll think about it—seriously think about it. When do you need to know?" he asked as his mind began bringing up everything he knew about Mr. Jeffery.

"Within forty eight hours. Can you make up a decision in that time?"

"Yeah. If I can't help then I'll definitely give you notes on everything I have about him. I'm already writing things down for you to know. Talk to you later, Sonia."

"Thanks John. Bye."

---------------------

"What are we doing up here Cris?" asked Natalie as they opened the door to the roof at Antonio and Jessica's apartment.

"I—I wanted to relive a memory. Of course, then it was a little bit warmer and nicer outside," he said with a smile.

"Oh Cristian," she said softly as she looked to see the easel that held a covered up canvas. She began to walk towards it and he pulled her back and grabbed her around the waist. "Don't you want me to see what's on the canvas?"

"No better a time than now," said Cris as he walked away and revealed the canvas was a painting of Natalie on their wedding day.

"When I was on the ship I kept closing my eyes and picturing our wedding day—and that image was so burned into my mind. When I came back I forgot about that image, but Christmas Eve I remembered all those nights, just imagining you in front of me so I started this. I knew I wanted to give this to you now—to show you that it was you that kept me sane during those long nights alone on that ship. You were my guiding light then, and you still are."

"It's—beautiful," she said with her eyes filling with tears.

He walked back over and gave her a kiss before saying anything else, "We've been through a lot in our first year of marriage and we really didn't get to spend any of it together, so I wanted to come up here tonight and ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Marry me again, Natalie. This time there's nothing keeping us apart—no sneaky relatives of mine or suspicious FBI agents. All there is now is you and me—like it was supposed to be. So what do you say—in a few days, just between us and our families, will you marry me?"

Natalie stared at her husband standing there looking right back waiting for her answer. As of late he'd been acting—normal, his old self and it put her in a good mood to see him smile. She had wanted to be happy—that had been her Christmas wish, and it was coming true with Cristian. "Yes, I'll marry you again," she said, not realizing the tears flowing down her face.

----------------

John paused at the list of notes he had jotted down to tell Sonia—he knew there was more, and maybe he had some notes from before he could let her have. He looked at the clock and decided it was probably a good time as any to call it a night and collected the papers he was taking home when there was a knock on the door and he looked up to see Evangeline walk in, "What can I do for you?" he asked in a gruff, put off tone.

"Sorry. I just saw the light on and thought you might want to know most normal people are already home with their families having dinner."

"Well, I'm not very normal, am I?" he chuckled as he grabbed his coat. "Sorry for the tone—I've got a lot on my mind."

"A big case?"

"Sort of," he said with a chuckle as he placed his hands on his hips as he thought of something else to say. "Listen. I know we ended on a sour note, but I've got nothing planned tonight but sort through an old case for a friend. You want to maybe catch a bite to eat? You can pick the place."

"Sure. Let me get my coat."

-----------------

Natalie sat at the Palace with Cristian, Antonio, and Jessica—it had been Jessica's idea to come here to celebrate, though Natalie would have been fine with just grabbing a few burgers from Rodi's and hanging out at the cottage.

"So have you thought of what decorations you might want to have this time? Or what to wear?" asked Jessica.

"No—what I'd love this time is something more relaxed, maybe with a Hispanic flare," she said as something caused her to turn her head to see John and Evangeline walk in and sit at a table in the corner. That must have been what he wanted to tell her—that he was going to go back to Evangeline. She scrunched her nose a bit at the thought of them together—the girl was wrong for John, and she thought he'd realized that before.

"Natalie. Earth to Natalie—did you hear me?"

Natalie's head turned back towards Jessica and she shook her head for a moment, "Sorry—what did you say?"

"I was thinking we could turn the Love Center into something like that—it's too cold to have anything outside."

"The Love Center is awfully big though, and we only wanted our parents and siblings there," she said as they began throwing out ideas.

-----------------

John tried to keep his attention to what Evangeline was rattling on about though he kept looking over to Natalie—he could see she was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, something she did when she was nervous or unsure of what the conversation was about.

"A month apart and you are still the same John McBain," said Evangeline as she threw down her napkin and stood up.

"I'm sorry—what is this about?" he asked, completely confused as to what he just did wrong.

"Natalie. You're single now, but you are still pining away for her like a lost puppy dog. You're going to have to realize she's not yours to have John, but until you do maybe it's best if you don't try to be around any other women—you might slip up and call them Natalie by mistake."

John gave a slight chuckle before making a quick and equally dangerous response, "Oh yeah? Well, whenever you and Natalie are in the same room it becomes a broken record with you—green isn't really your color, Counselor."

Evangeline's mouth dropped open before she gave out a huffing noise and stomped out of the restaurant. John waited a few minutes before going to the bar and paying for his drink—stopping at Natalie's table when Antonio called him over, "What was that about?"

John cracked a smile, "Nothing. Glad to see you four our for a nice dinner together—I won't keep you."

"We're celebrating," said Cristian, ready to rub it in and rub it deep. "Natalie and I are renewing our wedding vows and recommitting our love to each other. It'll be family and a few close friends only—sorry to say you won't be invited."

"That's fine—congratulations kiddo," he said with a smile to her and walked out—who knows, if he took Sonia up on her offer he might not even still be in town for the wedding.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: It's sad to say this—but I've started a countdown until I walk away from this couple—57 days, bringing us to St Patrick's Day, one year from their first kiss. If there's nothing viable between our couple, well then—I suppose I'll just have to suck it up and walk away.

Most of us have been so patient for the past 15 months waiting for the show to do something with the couple—I really think they've waited too long. They keep saying "oh yeah, Jolie will be the end factor in blah blah months", but that date keeps coming and still—we're enjoying them on the energy they give off in the same scenes, but nothing other than that. I want more than that—I want them both to finally say "we're up—it's our turn to finally do what we want to do."

If the story isn't done by St Patrick's Day I'll keep writing this one until it is, but this will probably be the last one. I can only get them together in so many different scenario's (this being scenario #4 I believe)

Alright, I'm stepping off the soapbox now. Hehehe. Everyone enjoy this chapter—I am enjoying writing this and leading it to where it'll lead. Until next time—D-day is coming—PCGirl.

* * *

"You busy?" asked John as he peeked his head into Bo's office where Antonio was sitting also.

"No—come on in. Something you need?"

"Yeah—I don't know if Antonio told you I've been helping out Sonia over the phone on her next case."

"Yeah, he mentioned something right after she left. Is there a problem?"

"She's beginning to get her hands dirty in this new case and at the beginning there was a lot of things that were familiar to me about the case. And last night I found out why—the ring leader of the operation she's trying to bust is someone Kathryn and I dealt with before. He went underground before we had a chance to catch him, and our supervisor said it was too dangerous to try and go underground to catch him."

"So what is the FBI saying to Sonia about him?"

"They say she can handle it herself—but she's worried she can't, and she's too stubborn to walk away. I already faxed her as much information that I remember and had saved about him, but I was wondering—."

"If you could have some time off to help her settle into the case?"

"Yeah—but more than settle—I'd really like to be able to put this guy away. If that means I need to resign from the force completely then I understand."

"I won't make you resign—you're a good man John and when this is said and done there will always be a door open for you here at the station."

"Thanks—it means a lot."

"We do need to discuss someone to take your place while you are gone though—any suggestions?"

"Yeah, I think I know the perfect man for the job," he said as he looked at Antonio.

-----------------

"So I was thinking for your hair we could do a really high hairdo thing—make you stand out a little more than usual. Give Cristian something to make sure he can't take his eyes off you," said Roxy as she did Natalie's nails at Foxy Roxy's.

Natalie couldn't help but laugh at the thought, "That'd definitely make me stand out but I was thinking something simpler—with curls."

"I can do curls too. So—you told Johnny about this yet?"

"Cristian did—I didn't like the way Cris blurted it out, but I don't want to start anything up again."

"Really? Cause if I were you I'd be making sure I had all my ducks in a row," she nodded with a grin on her face.

"Roxy—please don't make me say this again—I'm happy with Cris and John is my friend."

"You can never have too many friends," grinned Roxy as Natalie rolled her eyes.

---------------

Antonio walked in and did his normal routine—placing his gun in the basket on the top shelf and sitting his keys next to the door. He'd spent the day avoiding John and anyone that gave him a pat on the back—John wasn't just a colleague, he was a good friend and he was going to miss him. The apartment was quiet, except for a radio playing in the bedroom. "Jessica?" he called out as he walked around the kitchen bar.

"Hey—how was your day today?" she smiled, coming around the corner immediately with Jamie on her hip. "Can you say hi to your Daddy?"

"Daddy," she smiled as he took her from Jess' arms and gave them both a kiss.

"Hey sweetie. Today was—interesting," he said as he walked over to the couch and sat down. "The good news is I got a promotion," he said while playing with his little girl.

"Antonio—that's great. I mean for this to happen so soon after you returned from all the Santi stuff. Why aren't you excited for this?" she asked when he became quiet.

Antonio looked up from Jamie, "I'm going to be the new Chief of Detectives—John's job. Sonia is in some serious trouble and he's going to help her out."

"Well, that's ok—I mean it's not like the case is as big as the Santi's, he'll be back in no time—right?"

"Sonia has already found something else out that makes it bigger—who knows where the trail will go next. He's not going to be able to give a good time line on how long he'll be gone—it could be a couple months or five years."

Jessica sat down in shock at what Antonio had just said, "Wow. And Sonia definitely needs his help?"

"Yeah. She's not going to admit this to anyone but it scares her that she stumbled onto this guy."

"When does John leave?"

"Friday."

"The day Natalie and Cris renew their vows—talk about ironic," she said with a slight laugh. "I guess we're not going to be able to play matchmaker anymore."

"No—and don't tell Natalie about this, ok? I know John and he's going to tell her he's leaving in his own time and way."

"What if he doesn't? If he's already thinking like a FBI agent again he could blow out of this town as quietly as he came in."

"He didn't blow in too quietly though," laughed Antonio.

--------------------

"About yesterday—I'm sorry I was avoiding you," said Antonio as he and John ate at Rodi's for lunch. "I guess I was trying to imagine how boring work will be now without you around to harass."

"Aww—you gonna miss me Vega? I have to say—I'm not sure I'll be able to banter with Sonia as easily as I can with you. You shouldn't be too lonely—you've got Cristian back and all."

"Yeah, speaking of that—don't give me that look," he said as John stared directly at him with a vacant expression. "You knew it was going to come up—either now or within the next few days. You've got to tell Natalie you're leaving."

"I—I figured I'd let you tell her a few days after I'm gone."

"She's not a good enough friend to get a goodbye from you? That's harsh, man."

"It's not that—it's just that I'm the reason they haven't been together. Don't give me that Tico-set-it-up crap because you know as well as I do they could have had more time together if I hadn't sent them to Las Vegas immediately after getting married."

"Yeah, but—."

"You know—if I'd been on my game I could have dug deeper—forced them to hunt for a body."

"Can't blame yourself for that either John—as soon as Flynn was over then the Music Box Killer case started."

"Fine. You got any other final words of wisdom?" laughed John.

"If you don't tell Natalie goodbye before Friday when you do return she's going to lay into you so hard you'll wish you'd stayed gone," grinned Antonio as his phone rang and he walked off to take it.

John sat there thinking for a minute—staring at the pool table when his vision was blocked and he looked up to see Natalie standing in front of him, "Hey."

"Hey yourself—where were you just then? I kept saying your name and you didn't respond."

"I was just—thinking. What are you up to today? Still doing wedding plans?"

"Yeah, Jess should be here any minute. I was able to talk her into doing a Spanish theme and out of me getting into another wedding dress—but food, well she wouldn't bend on that," said Natalie as she rolled her eyes.

John chuckled at the expression, "That's what sister's are for—or so I'm told. I didn't tell you at the Palace, but I'm glad you and Cristian have this second chance—you deserve to be happy Natalie."

"Wow John—thanks. I don't think I could have gotten through the last year though without your friendship—," said Natalie before she was interrupted by Jessica walking into Rodi's and towards them. "I better go before she decides we need to have caviar and petite fours at the reception. Bye," she said as she went towards her sister and was gone.

"Bye," he said softly as Antonio came back down to sit.

"Sorry about the phone call—did you get to tell her you were leaving?"

"No, but I said what I wanted to say the other night—that's good enough," sighed John as he got his wallet out to pay for the bill.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The quotes were taken from Lois A Troutman's transcripts over at michaeleastoncorner . com—she puts so much time into writing out the transcripts of all the scenes ME is in. Thanks Lois:)

A/N: Enjoy the chapter—and go get yourself a Kleenex, it makes me a little weepy reading it. Until next time—Here we go Steelers and Falcons, Here we go—PCGirl.

* * *

John looked at the clock—he'd finished cleaning his office out earlier and had most everything packed. He'd avoided Rodi's today—not that he thought Natalie was working, but he couldn't chance it. He knew if he saw her emotions at the thought of him leaving he'd never be able to leave. 

He had time to catch a quick nap before he had to leave for the flight, so he cleared off a spot on his bed and was soon asleep.

_John walked through Angel Square—had it really been five years since he'd been back? Sure he'd talked to Michael regularly—and when they got married he'd been back, but just for the day—Sonia and him thought they'd been on a breakthrough for the case, but they were wrong._

_Since Michael's wedding it'd been an additional three years until they were finally able to put away the right people. He'd talked to Antonio some—called him to wish him a Merry Christmas and sent him a wedding present for when he and Jess got married. Natalie was one thing that was always unsaid between the two of them—he knew she was still with Cristian, and Antonio said she was happy, so he didn't ask anymore._

_He heard a familiar voice and tried to hide a smile as he turned to see Natalie walk around the corner, a small red haired little girl in tow. "Hey."_

_Natalie froze and squinted at the sight—it felt like she was staring at a ghost—like the first time she'd seen Cristian again after a year. "John?" she said hesitantly as her daughter pulled at her hand._

"_Mama? Can I go get some ice cream, please?" smiled the little girl._

"_Yes, sweetie," she said as she handed her some money and watched her scurry off. She kept her eyes on her daughter for a minute before turning her attention back to John, "What? How? I can't believe you are really here."_

"_Yeah, I know—talk about a blast from the past," he said with a slight chuckle._

"_I—I was late for Michael and Marcie's reception—they said you'd run off back to work. How are you doing?" she asked as she studied his face—his eyes seemed withdrawn, like all he could focus on now was work related, but he still had the same mannerisms._

"_I'm good. Sonia and I finally finished that case up a few weeks ago—I came to visit Michael before the next case starts. I—I was hoping to see you before I left this time."_

"_Unlike you did last time," she said under her breath and he gave her a look. "Last time—you left without a simple goodbye to me John. It took me months to understand why or how you could do that—just walk away from our friendship."_

"_You were happy with Cristian—I didn't want to, there were a lot of things I left unsaid—but I wanted you to be happy so I left."_

"_So it was just a good intention?" she said, her eyes burning with hate and a hurt she thought she'd left on the roof of the hotel a long time ago. "I was happy with Cris—you had that right, but we still fight to this day. We were planning a divorce about a year after you left—I was going to come find you, then I found out I was pregnant with Estrella. I stayed with Cris then for her sake. The reason I was late to the wedding was because I wasn't sure if I saw you I could stay with Cristian. So that night I sat on the roof of the Angel Square Hotel until the sun came up and at that point I said goodbye to you."_

"_I—I'm sorry," he sighed as he sat down next to her under the statue. "I—I thought you were happy so I thought it was best for you if I left without a goodbye—I didn't want to ruin another wedding of yours."_

"_You should have asked me, John—I could have told you I wanted to make it work with Cristian, but I found out shortly it was never going to work. I just didn't have a reason to walk away from him before our daughter, and now because of her I could never walk away."_

_John sighed as he looked over to see Natalie's daughter walking back with an ice cream cone, "She has a beautiful name—I can tell she's going to look just like you when she grows up."_

"_Thanks," blushed Natalie as she ran her hand over her daughters curls, "I'm just happy to know she's not having the same childhood that I did."_

_Estrella stared at her cone thoughtfully for a moment then looked at her mom and finally towards John, "Are you a friend of my mommy's?"_

_John smiled, "I was once—but that was a very long time ago when we were different people. Well, I'll let you go—keep taking care of yourself, Vega," he said as he got up and began walking away._

"_Stay right here, sweetie," said Natalie as she had her daughter actually sit down and went after John. "John—wait. I want to tell you something. Thank you."_

"_For what?"_

"_Leaving. It hurt when you did—the way you did—but if you hadn't, well I wouldn't have my daughter. I may not be in a happy marriage, but every time I see that smiling face or hear her laugh—I'm filled with happiness."_

"_You're welcome."_

"_Goodbye John," she said as her eyes filled with tears._

"_Goodbye Natalie," he replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek and giving her a crooked grin before leaving her standing there alone in Angel Square.

* * *

_

Natalie looked over at the door to see Jessica and Antonio walking in with bags in their hands, "Hey—I need the lanterns hung up over there. If you can find where Rex snuck off to so he could call Shannon he'll help you Antonio."

"Will do," he said as he saluted her and laughed before walking off.

"You didn't invite Shannon?" questioned Jessica.

"It was Rex's idea actually—he thought it'd be best if we had the McBain clan stay home tonight. And Michael is working the late shift," she said as she checked something off her list.

"Yeah—Shannon's probably going to see John off then," grinned Jessica—knowing if Antonio had been in earshot she'd be in serious trouble.

"Excuse me?" asked Natalie as she put down her pen and gave full attention to her sister.

"John's leaving tonight—I thought you knew. He's going to help Sonia and the FBI with a case. The plane leaves in about two hours," she said, looking down at her watch.

"How could he do this?" she said as she grabbed her purse and ran off.

"What about the—list?" questioned Jessica as she picked up the clipboard, biting her lip in the process.

John looked at the letter one more time before folding it in the envelope and writing Natalie's name on it. He'd woken up from his dream and realized he had to tell Natalie goodbye, but still couldn't bring himself to doing it in person. He grabbed his phone to call Antonio and have him meet him in the Square to pass on the letter.

"Open up John—Open up now, damn it!" yelled Natalie as she hit the door so hard that it nearly came off the hinges

"Natalie? What's wrong?" he asked—his mind focused on her as he opened the door.

"Who gave you the right to walk out of this town as if nothing or nobody mattered? How could you just leave without telling me goodbye?" she yelled, hitting his chest hard.

"Hey—I'm sorry. Jess opened her big mouth, didn't she?" he said with a slight chuckle as he grabbed her arms and moved her to sit on the bed. "I know—it was wrong for me to think about leaving without a goodbye."

"You got that right," she huffed as she snapped her arms out of his grasp.

"I've got to go though—Sonia needs my help on a case."

"Fine. I understand that John—that's who you are—you help your friends and colleagues when they need you. Why was it you couldn't tell me goodbye though?"

"I—I found out a way to do that," he said as he handed over the letter. "I was going to give it to Antonio tonight—have him give it to you in a few days. It's supposed to be your wedding day today, Natalie. I screwed one up already—I didn't want to be batting a thousand," he said with a laugh and looked at his watch—he needed to get to the airport soon.

"You have to go now?" she asked as she rotated the letter in her hands.

"Yeah—I—I don't want to leave like this," he said as he sat down on the bed and took her hand. "I'm going to miss you, Natalie."

Natalie sighed as she gave him a hug, "I'm going to miss you too. Please be careful."

"I will," he said as he looked at her and ran his hand across her jaw line before giving her a kiss and standing up—grabbing his duffle bag before turning to look at her. "Goodbye Natalie."

"Goodbye John," she said as she watched him walk out of the room and close the door behind him. She stared at the letter in her hand and took a deep breath before opening and reading it.

_Natalie,_

_I can picture your face right now and it's somewhere between betrayal and absolute hatred for me. I know—I'm lower than Paul for not saying goodbye to your face, so I'll apologize first of all for that._

_I have a lot of apologizing to do to this town—to you, to Evangeline, probably to my brother even. Other than my brother and Shannon you matter the most to me in this town. That's why when I leave I want you to keep being happy. If something comes up with Cristian and you two drift apart—still be happy and keep living. Of anyone I've known you deserve to be happy Natalie—you've gone through too much in your life to throw it away and be miserable._

_Hopefully this case with Sonia won't take long and I'll be back soon. Until then—keep your pool game sharp—who knows when I'll walk back into Llanview and ready for a game with the champ._

_I suck at ending letter's—so let's just leave it at 'see ya later'._

_John

* * *

_

John stopped at the statue, looking up and thinking—he kept having this nagging feeling he was never going to return to Llanview, that this case he was on would pull him back into the FBI and before he knew it 5 years would have passed.

His mind drifted to meeting Natalie—and moments they had throughout the past fifteen months.

_Cristian said you were looking for me?_

_You're Natalie?_

_Yeah. Why?_

_Well, if I didn't have a reason before, I got one now.

* * *

_

_I don't even know why I came here.  
You came here to tell me to go to hell.  
Go to hell._

_

* * *

Do you need to shoot some pool? _

_No. You know what we need to do. We need to paint._

_Really?_

_Yeah, what the heck, right? Four new walls, give this place a bright outlook._

_Sounds good to me._

_That's a hell of a nice color you chose there. Yeah, that's good. All right._

_Oh, my god_

_Damn it._

_

* * *

Are you setting me up, McBain—hustling me? _

_It's a good table—you didn't think I was going to give up that easily, did ya?_

_**

* * *

**_

_Natalie, Natalie, can you hear me? Natalie, wake up, come on. That's it. That's it, baby. Ambulance is on the way._

_(gasping) John._

_**

* * *

**_

_Forget about it. Forget about it. Look, are we cool?_

_Yeah, if you hand over that ball._

_Look, if you don't want to be my partner in this thing today._

_No, stop. If I'm not your partner you're only going to humiliate yourself._

_Then quit goofing around all right. Let's do this thing._

_**

* * *

**_

_Why can't you look at me?_

_I can. I—I like looking at you._

_**

* * *

**_

_Hello._

_Hey, I'm figuring you were wrong about me._

_Really—how's that?_

_I'm thinking I can move on. It's time and I want to._

_John, do you know what you're saying?_

_Yes. Can I see you? Where are you?_

_Ah—I'm—I'm in bed. Can—can it wait till morning?_

_Yeah—sure. Get some sleep, all right? I'll talk to you in the morning._

_Hey—thank you. I'm really Glad you called._

_Me too._

_**

* * *

**_

_But I think that one might be better. So by your own rules you need to tell me something you never told me before. How'd you say it? No holding back._

_I've never stopped loving you._

John gave a sigh as he looked around him, "I never stopped loving you either, Vega. Probably never will."

_**

* * *

"Hey—I was wondering where you'd run off to," smiled Cristian as he saw Natalie walk into the community center. "Is everything ok?" **_

"Hmm? Yeah," said a distant Natalie—she'd sat on John's bed for awhile after she finished reading the letter—crying and remembering their friendship. If he'd been just a friend then why was her heart breaking? Why was it as painful now to let him leave as it had been when Cris had died last year? The tears began to fill up her eyes again as she looked at Cristian, "I love you, Cris."

He gave a slight smile at seeing her like this—figuring the emotions were because they were about to have their second wedding, "I love you too, Natalie."

"I love you and I'm sorry—I can't do this," she said as she let go of his hand and ran out of the building, the dam of tears letting go. She got to the middle of the square and looked around confused. What was she doing? Where was she going to go? She wanted to talk to someone, but the two men in her life that were always there for her—one was on a plane to who-knows-where and the other—the other she'd just broken his heart. She heard footsteps behind her and began to run again, tripping on the edge of the side walk and falling.

"Hey—let me help you," said Rex as he rushed over and helped her up. "You ok?"

"I—I don't want Cris to see me like this."

Rex looked behind himself, thinking he could hear footsteps, "Ok. You don't have to—let's go to my place," he said as he helped her to her feet and they walked off quickly.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I feel like when I sit down to write there's some roulette table that is spinning to tell me which story to write and today it was this one that it landed on. Must have landed on a double or something because I actually have 2 chapters set up to post, but I'll wait a few days before adding the other one. Everyone enjoy! Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

"This is all I have, but drink up," said Rex as he brought over a cup of tea from a tea bag he had in the cupboard—probably something leftover from Lindsey or Jen. 

"Thanks," she said, giving a slight smile. "Did you lock the other door so they can't come in and look through the window?"

"Yeah. Don't worry-nobody is going to be bothering us until you want to be bothered. So spill it, sistah," he said causing her to laugh some.

"I—I found out John was leaving tonight and went to talk to him. He gave me this letter—and he didn't tell me to wait for him, or that he loved me, but still—I realized how much I'm going to miss him.

"When I went back into the Community Center and saw Cristian there—I realized that it's almost like he died again, but this time in the end I had Cristian and lost John."

"God, Natalie—why does this have to be about love life? Why can't it be something simple—something I can actually help you on," sighed Rex as he closed his eyes before he looked at her again and jumped directly next to her.

"This is what I'm going to say, and it might make no sense—so you've been warned. I don't remember much from my childhood before Roxy shipped me off but I remember you were more my mom than her. You took care of me—made sure I had food and clothing while you played the part of a mother.

"What I'm getting at is that you're entire life you've been trying to make everyone happy, but never thinking of what makes you happy. So what will make you happy? A giant hot fudge sundae? A trip through Europe? Just tell me and I'll try to make it happen."

Natalie smiled at the way he was thinking, "I think right now I just want to try and sleep—maybe if I get some rest I'll clear my mind and in the morning it will all make sense."

"Ok, I can do that—you take the bed tonight and I'll take the couch and watch guard," he said as he helped her up and towards the bed.

* * *

"Where is she? I have to find my wife," said Cristian as he returned to Angel Square from wandering around.

"She's not at Roxy's or Rodi's," said Jessica as she and Antonio came into the Square themselves.

"She's got to be at the Hotel with _him," _said Cristian through gritted teeth as he turned towards it.

"Seriously—what is your problem with my cousin? He's done nothing wrong to you—and all he's ever wanted for Natalie is for her to be happy. If she ran from you then it's for a reason—and if it has to do with my cousin then he has no clue because he's on a plane to a new life right now," glared Shannon.

"You don't know anything about me or my wife," said Cris as he walked towards her but was stopped by Antonio.

"Don't do this, Cris. You are upset—why don't you just go to the diner and if we find Natalie we'll come find you."

"No—I need to find Natalie."

"We'll find her—I promise," said Antonio as he reassured his brother through a pat on the back and watched him walk away and then turn to Shannon. "What was that all about?"

"I know where Natalie is—but I really think it's in the best interest of everyone if we give her space."

"That's fine—just tell us where she is."

"After I watched John's plane take off I went to Rex's to wait on him to get back—he must have found her when she left the Community Center because that's where she is now—sleeping most likely."

"As long as she's safe and not somewhere crying alone," sighed Antonio. "Come on Jess—let's go tell your mom and come up with some way to keep Cristian away from her until she's ready."

* * *

John threw his bag down on the floor next to his bed and threw himself on the bed. He glanced at his watch—it was close to 3 am in Llanview which made it what time here? He was too tired to think of the time difference at the moment so he just rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

He wondered if Natalie had ended up going through the renewal of vows—he hoped she had—prayed she had, but he had this feeling she didn't. She wouldn't want him to be blaming himself—he knew that, but right now he felt like he should be there in Llanview telling her to go to the man she'd wait to return to her for a year.

But right now he wasn't in Llanview and he couldn't leave until the case with Sonia was solved. John gave a loud sigh as he got up and hit the lights—he wasn't used to the time difference yet but he knew Sonia and his day was going to start much earlier than he wanted it to.

* * *

"Here—I grabbed some more stuff when I knew Cris was out of the cottage," said Jessica as she walked in with a small suitcase.

"Thanks," said Natalie as she took it and laid it down on Rex's bed—she'd been hiding out here for two days now—not venturing even past the front door, worried that Cristian would see her. She wasn't afraid of him—she just didn't know what to tell him. The truth was what she should be telling him, but she knew it would kill him for her to say the truth about John.

John—he hadn't come to her mind in a whole two hours, a new record for the day. Soon enough she would have all the space and time she needed to sort everything out, but first she had to make a phone call, "So Jess—you heading back to work?"

"Yeah, I'll probably stop by with Antonio later. Call if you need anything," she said giving her a big hug.

"I will," she said giving a fake smile as she walked Jessica out to the second door and locked it behind her before going to find her cell phone and dialing. "Hey—it's Natalie. I'm ok. That's what I was calling about," she said as she began to tell the person on the other end her plan.

* * *

"I'm glad the four of you are able to meet me tonight," said Natalie as she sat on the steps of Ultra Violet—Rex had closed the place for Natalie to have a meeting with him, Roxy, Jessica, and Viki. "I've had a lot to think about the past few days—what I've done the past year and where I belong."

"You did nothing wrong, sweetheart," spoke Vicki.

"I know. And I know you four love me so much, but I still have more thinking to do—straighten out my life more, find peace and understanding in where my choices have led me."

"We'll give you as much time and space as you need," said Jessica as she came to sit down next to her sister.

"Yeah," agreed Rex as he sat down on the other side of her.

"I know, and I love you all for doing that. But it's not fair to Cris—I can't keep running around in the shadows of life trying to avoid him face to face. So tomorrow I'm going to talk to him—tell him I'm sorry for hurting him-."

"That's good of you, but you don't have to do it tomorrow—take as much time as you need," spoke Viki.

"Well, I have to tomorrow or I don't know when I'll get another chance. There's more—tomorrow afternoon I have a plane ticket for London—Dad and Joey already said it was ok for me to stay with them for awhile."

"Oh sweetheart—you could have just shown up on their doorstep unannounced and they would be fine with you staying with them. We'll all miss you terribly while you are gone, but I'm glad you made this decision on your own. Is there anything we need to do to help make the transition easier?"

"No, just knowing you are behind me is enough. Roxy—you've been quiet, is everything ok?"

"Yeah, Vicki just said everything so beautifully I didn't want to screw it up," said Roxy as she began to tear up.

"Roxy are you crying?"

"No, I—I just think I got some dust in my eye," she said as she began to walk towards the doors.

"Wait—come here," said Natalie as she hopped up and pulled Roxy into a hug. "What's wrong?"

"I just—I guess I'm going to miss you. No matter what it's always been the two of us and who is going to be there for me to say stupid stuff to?"

"You'll always have me, mom," said Rex as he got up and joined the two before all three pulled into a hug.


	14. Chapter 14

"It's like Christmas all over again," laughed John as he sat down the box and opened it up, digging through all the stuff he'd had sent behind him. He didn't have time to put it all away at the moment so he just sat it to the side and soon was at the bottom of the box but the papers he wanted weren't there. "Crap," he muttered under his breath and grabbed his calling card and the hotel phone.

"Llanview Police Department," spoke Marcie.

"Marcie—hey—it's John. Can you put me through to Antonio's office?"

"Sure John—one second."

"Antonio Vega."

"Hey Vega—how you doing without me?"

"Tough, but I'll manage," he laughed. "What can I do for you Mr. FBI agent?"

"I'm just temporary—nothing for sure yet. I think I left some papers in my office. Have you ran across them? They were—,"

"In the bottom drawer. Yup, found them the other day. What do you want me to do with them?"

"Here's the PO box I just got—send it there," said John as he continued to give the address and the hotel telephone number and room he was in.

"So that's where you are? That's—uhm—interesting."

"How so?" he said as there was a knock on the door. "Sonia's here—you think you can get that sent today?"

"Yeah, will do. Tell Toledo hi for me," he said as he hung up the phone and took a second before picking it back up and calling Jessica to tell her where John was.

* * *

Natalie walked into the cottage and shut the door, turning quickly when she heard footsteps on the stairs and saw Cristian standing there, "Hey."

"I've been trying to call you," he said as he kept walking down the stairs and over to the couch. "Seems like nobody wanted to put you on the phone—or was that your choice?"

"I'm sorry, Cris. It was my choice," she said as she walked towards him slowly.

"You made me mad Natalie—I mean you're my wife and here you go running out on what was supposed be an important day for us. And then I can't get a hold of you for days—I couldn't even get it out of Roxy where you were. But you're back now—and that's all that matter's," he said as he went to her and tried to give her a hug.

"No—Cris wait. There's more to tell—this past year I've been through every emotion possible while not knowing which way I was going from one day to the next. And when you finally came back to me I thought my direction would be clearer, but it's still pretty murky."

"Ok—we can work on that. I love you, Natalie."

"And I love you too, Cris. But what I need to do is be by myself for awhile—away from Llanview. I'm going to London this afternoon—I'm staying with Joey and my Dad. I don't know how long it's going to take to straighten out my head, but I do hope you'll still be here when I do come back."

"But you are the same Natalie—nothing has changed, you are still the same beautiful, fearless, strong woman I married—I can see that."

"I think you want to see what you want to, Cris. You weren't here this past year when—."

"When what? When you fell for John McBain? Don't tell me you didn't, Natalie—I've seen how you are when he's around or his name is mentioned."

"This has nothing to do with John—," she said as she watched Cris' face show doubt. "Ok, maybe it does. I have to tell you the whole truth about us two—we were never a couple, it got close to that point a lot—especially once," she said as she flashed back to that night.

_Cristian will always be a part of my life, and I will always love and miss him. But he wanted me to live my whole life, not be a shrine to him._

"But in the end neither of us were ready for anything—like I told you before. I thought I loved him Cris—maybe I do, and that's why I ran the other night. I love you and I love him—and when he left that night I was feeling the same thing I felt with Uncle Bo told me you were dead."

"You fell in love with the man that took a year from us!" shouted Cristian

"HE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT!" she screamed back as the door opened and Rex walked in.

"Hey—Natty, your phone rang and I answered it. The plane just landed at the airport and Mom, Viki and Jessica are going to meet us there. You ready to go?"

"Yeah," she said as her temper went back down and she turned towards Cristian. "I have to figure out who I am now Cris—but I know I'll always love you," she finished and then turned to Rex, who put his arm around his sister's shoulder and left.

* * *

"The plane is ready whenever you are," smiled the attendant at the airport gate.

"I guess this is it," said Natalie as she took a deep breath and looked at her two families. She walked towards Rex first and gave him a hug, "You have been the best little brother these past few days—I'm just glad I know I can leave town and not worry about you going back to Jenn. You aren't planning on doing that, are you?"

"No," he said with a laugh. "I like Shannon—she's something different than the usual girls I'm into."

"I think its cause she keeps you in line, Rex. I love you."

"Love you too, Sis," he said as Natalie released from the hug and went to Jess.

"You know—if I didn't have so much work to do at the Sun I'd come to London for a week or so. I might still do that—I'm sure we can have some great shopping excursions in London," smiled Jessica, trying to keep the tears back.

"Oh, before I forget—Kevin called and said he wanted to be here but couldn't. He did give me a message though—he said he's sorry he hasn't been a good brother to you here and he already talked to Joey and told Joey to make it up to you for the both of them."

"I don't how I became so lucky to have two wonderful sets of siblings," laughed Natalie. "Please have Antonio go check on Cris later—I'm worried about him."

"I'm sure Antonio already has that planned—now you better hurry," said Jess as she gave her a big hug.

"Ok," she said as she went to Viki and Roxy. "On Christmas both of you told me to find happiness. I really hope I do because I want to—someone once said that I deserve to be happy for everything I've gone through in my life."

"Oh sweetheart."

"No, it's ok because I already realize if I hadn't had Roxy for a mother and everything hadn't happened the way it did then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I love both of you for what you taught me while I was growing up and what you've taught me since I met you." Her eyes were filled with tears and she realized if she said the rest of what she was thinking she'd never be able to get on that plane, "I love you both—and I'll call you when I land in London," she said giving them each a long hug before turning and walking through the door that lead to her plane.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: After multiple tries, including just now, I've gotten the chapter uploaded and ready to post. WOO HOO! A little birdy told me she likes new chapters to read so this one is for her, and all the rest of my fellow Jolie lovers out there. :) Hope ya'll don't think it's too choppyI kind of do, but then I don't also. Enjoy! Until next timeya'll are the bestPCGirl.

* * *

"Yeah, the papers I had Antonio send here came in. How about you meet me at the corner and then I'll catch up with you after I talk to this informant guy who wants to meet with me?" said John in his hotel room looking at the extra note that Antonio wrote saying to call him—there was something important he needed to know.

"Sure—is everything ok?" asked Sonia

"It's fine—I just have something else I have to do before it gets too late back in Llanview. Let's hurry up and meet—my informant won't wait forever—if he even has the guts to show up."

"Ok, I'll see you in a few."

John hung up the phone and sat down the note next to the phone—he was curious as to what Antonio felt was important that he should know, even more curious if it had to do with Natalie.

* * *

"I think this is what I needed," said Natalie on the stationary bike as she peddled faster with Joey standing in front of her. "I mean I'm taking all the frustration I have out on this predicament I'm in and putting it to good use. And the positive thing is that if I don't figure it out soon at least I'll have lost some weight," she laughed as she began to slow down.

"Just don't work yourself silly, Nat. We'd like you to be in one piece when you go back to Llanview."

"I'll be fine. Don't you have somewhere to be soon?"

"Yeah, I need to go—will you be ok getting back to the house?"

"I'll be fine—I brought clothes for dinner so I'm going to shower and change here and then make my way to the restaurant you gave me the name of. I'm sure I can find a nice Londoner to point a poor Yankee like myself in the right direction," she smiled as he gave a laugh and headed off to get showered and changed himself. She'd tagged along with Joey a few days ago here and now it seemed like it would become a regular spot for her to relax.

She continued to go slow on the bike as she thought about the week she'd been here—she'd talked to Jessica a few times, seeing how everything was going back home. She had said everything was fine, but hadn't mentioned Cristian once—Natalie couldn't call him, couldn't give him the glimmer of hope of what was going to happen when she went back. The thought of just being on her own had gone through her mind a few times—she'd taken care of herself before and knew she could do it again.

She looked down at the screen for a moment and when she looked back up she froze. What was he doing here? Was Joey right and she was pushing herself so hard she was beginning to believe she was seeing John McBain standing in the same room as her.

She got off the bike and grabbed her water and she walked towards him and gave a cough before speaking, "Excuse me—but you look like someone I know."

He recognized the voice before turning and smiled at seeing Natalie standing there in a grey tank top and black leggings, "Natalie—hi. What are you doing here?"

"Spending time with my Dad and Joey. What about you? Are you still on the case?"

"Yeah," said John as he looked around and saw his informant standing over near the weights. "There's someone I need to talk to but I want to talk to you later."

"I've got dinner with Dad and Joey at 6:30, but we can meet at 6—there's this pub called The Rose and Thistle."

"I know where it is," he said giving her a smile and watched her walk away. Helping Sonia with everything was hard enough, but now that he knew the pretty red head he was in love with was near by—it was going to be damn near impossible.

* * *

Natalie looked at her watch—it was getting close to 6:30 and John still hadn't shown up. Oh well, maybe she'd somehow see him around London. She was pushing her chair under the table when she looked up to see him walking in, "Hey."

John smiled at what she was wearing now—a v-neck green sweater and flowery skirt that had the same green in it—she looked gorgeous, "Hey—glad you are still here, I was worried you might have had to give up on me. Is the restaurant you are meeting them at far?"

"No, just down the street."

"I'll walk you over that way." They were quiet for awhile before he finally spoke up, "You don't have to answer this, but what happened after I left that night? It must have been something big to bring you here and escape Llanview."

"It's complicated," she said and then began laughing. "That's the story of my life lately—everything is complicated. I needed to figure out who I want to be and."

"And what?"

"Who I want to be with," she said as she looked up to see his face was expressionless. "Like I said—complicated."

"Not really. That's why I didn't want you to know I was gone until after you and Cristian had recommitted your vows—I didn't want to make you chose between us. And I still don't—maybe we shouldn't see each other here until you are sure you know what you want."

"No, I want to see you—you're going to be busy as it is with this case so it won't be much. It's not like the Haver Case where I knew everything you knew. But with this case—if you need a little break from stakeouts and working with Sonia, I wouldn't mind helping get your mind off the case for a bit."

"I'd like that," he smiled and pulled out his notepad and wrote something down. "Here's my cell phone number and hotel room and phone number—I'm usually calling it a day around 6 so call me then and we can meet up. Maybe we can even find a billards hall nearby to play at."

"I like the idea of that," she smiled as she went into the restaurant for dinner—hoping Joey wouldn't nag her about the smile on her face.

* * *

Natalie walked into her room and saw the small box on her bed. She leaned her head out of the door and yelled, "Joey—where'd this box come from?"

"It came today—I think they said it was from Llanview."

"Oh," she said softly as she opened the box and found a card on the top.

_Natty,_

_You gave her to me so I wouldn't be lonely and now I'm doing the same. I had me, Jessica, and Shannon searching for her the entire day after you left. I'll do anything for you—but I think you know that already._

_Rex_

Tears filled her eyes as she pushed back the tissue paper and pulled out Mrs. Grundy—the only doll Roxy ever let her have as a child, and the one thing she'd given to Rex when Roxy sent him away. She knew she was loved by her family and more—and she was pretty sure she wouldn't be lonely while she was here either.

* * *

"I'll get it," hollered Natalie as she opened the door to see John standing there. "This is a change of pace—I thought I'd meet you at the pub like usual."

"I finally found that Billard's hall and it's close to here so I decided I'd catch a taxi over and then we can walk."

"That's fine—let me tell Joey bye first," she said as she closed the door as he walked into the foyer.

It'd been two weeks since her and John had seen each other the first time. They'd meet every few days—usually around 6:30 or so and either have dinner together or just go walking around and being tourists. She had quickly told Joey the truth that her solitary excursions weren't so solitary and he said he was glad she was having a good time with him but not to get burned.

"Joey—that was John at the door so I'm going to go."

"Ok, let me say hi to him," he said as he came out into the foyer and shook John's hand. "Good to see you again."

"Same here," he said awkwardly.

"Nat—let me give you my cell phone because Jessica always seems to call while you two are out and I'm running out of excuses of places you went to. Here's a better idea—tell her your spending time with John—I'm sure she's not going to bite your head off about it."

She gave a shrug as she put the phone away, "I know—it's just I don't want her to see this as a bigger deal than I think it is."

"She's a smart girl Nat—she's going to figure it out," he grinned as he walked them both to the door and closed it behind them.

* * *

"Good game—you ran the table, again, but if I had gotten another chance to take a shot I could have given you a run for your money," grinned John as he watched Natalie sink the eight ball into the corner pocket.

"Keep on dreaming, McBain," she said as she put down her stick to reset the balls but her phone began ringing. "It's Jess—hello."

"Natalie—hey. I called the house and Joey said you'd gone out for a bit."

"Yeah, I'm enjoying a lot of alone time lately—it gives me time to think," she grinned as she took a sideways glance at John who was grinning himself.

"Oh."

"You sound like you're disappointed I'm by myself," she grinned as John grabbed the phone out of her hand. "Hey—give me that back."

"Natalie? Are you there?"

John put the phone to his ear, "Jessica—we're playing a game of pool. Everything is fine—we're being friends, don't worry we haven't jumped each others bones but when we do I'm sure you'll be the first to know." John finished by hitting the end button and handing it back to Natalie.

"Oh my god—I can't believe you just said that to her," she laughed as she put the phone back into her purse. "She's probably mortified that you just said that to her—I should be mortified you said that."

John gave a slight shrug as he finished arranging the pool balls, "What Joey said inspired me—we can't be hiding the fact that we know the other one is in London forever. So do you want to break or let me? Because you've lost your concentration that you had before and I think I might be able to beat you this time."

"You want to make a bet?" she grinned and took the first shot. Her friendship with John was quickly becoming the easiest thing in her life again—she just had to wonder if it was the same for John.


	16. Chapter 16

"I'll see you home later tonight?" asked Antonio as he finished talking to Jessica in Angel Square.

"Yeah, I'm going to try and call Natalie from the office—maybe this time I'll be lucky and not interrupt her and John," she laughed as she covered her face in embarrassment.

"I told you John already apologized to me on the phone for his bluntness," laughed Antonio.

"I know—I need to go," she said as she gave him and kiss a turned. "Tell Natalie hi for me," he hollered.

"I will," she called back.

Antonio turned to head back to the apartment and get ready and walked right into Cristian, "Hey Bro—I didn't know you were around here."

"Yeah, I'm headed over to Mami's—did I hear that right? Is Natalie in London with John?"

"It's not what you think, man. We didn't even know where John was when she left—she honestly went there to sort through everything in her life."

Cristian didn't believe a word his brother said, "You're supposed to be my brother—you're supposed to be on my side. How can you be ok with them being together? She's my wife, Antonio—not his."

"I'm not."

"Sure looked like it to me."

"Cris—Natalie changed a lot while you were gone and John and Natalie—they both gained a well trusted and respected friendship."

"Are you telling me to give up on my marriage? Is that what your saying, Antonio?""

"I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that maybe if you'd been more open to their friendship in the beginning none of this would have ever happened."

* * *

He knew what he was doing—nobody could tell him otherwise. They all denied that John and Natalie were together but he didn't believe them. John took away something important to him and now he was going to return the favor. That's all he could think of as he took aim and a shot rang out in Angel Square.

* * *

"Hi," smiled Natalie as she slipped into the corner booth at the Pub. "Sorry I was late—I started doing a little window shopping at decided to stop into a few stores."

"I see that," laughed John as he took a look at the bags. "Went a little overboard?"

"Yeah, but I just couldn't help myself—Oh no, I'm sounding like Jessica now."

"Far from it," he said while rubbing his eyes.

"You ok? You look tired."

"I stayed up doing surveillance on this guy and then had to write up a report—I haven't had much time to sleep," yawned John.

"Ok, well then I'm ordering you to go back to your hotel room and go to sleep—turn off the ringer on your cell phone and room phone."

"Can't do that," he said, shaking his head and yawning. "Sonia might need me."

"Is she doing surveillance on him right now?" asked Natalie as he just shook his head. "Ok, good. That means that you can tell her you are taking a required nap and if there's an emergency the only way to get in touch with her is coming by the hotel room."

"When'd you get to be so tough?" he chuckled.

"Life. Now go to sleep—I'm going to sit here and rest my feet for a bit before heading back home."

"You going to be ok by yourself?"

"Stop stalling, John," she said, not looking at him but instead studying a menu for something light to eat.

* * *

Natalie walked into the house and hadn't hung her coat up when Joey opened the doors to the study with the cordless phone in his hand, "It's Jess."

"Hey," she said as she took her coat off and put it in the closet. "I just got home from having dinner with John—what's going on with you?"

"I—wow, this is hard to tell you," said Jessica as she sat on the couch with Antonio standing over her. "Michael McBain was shot while leaving the Angel Square Hotel for work this afternoon."

"Oh no—is it serious? Is he ok?"

"Yeah, he's in surgery but they are pretty sure he'll pull through fine. That's not why I called— Cristian,"

"Don't say it—is Antonio there? Let me talk to him," she said as she kept her eyes locked on Joey's. "Antonio—did Cris do this? Did he shoot Michael?"

"He went to Mami's Diner and dumped the gun in the trash. We've got him in a cell right now. You don't have to come back if you don't want to—but we can't get a hold of John."

"That's my fault—I told him to go turn off his phones and go to sleep. I'll go tell him. I'm sorry Antonio."

"For what—telling John to actually go to sleep?"

"No, for causing my husband to shoot an innocent person. I'm going to come home too—can Jess leave my car at the airport?"

"Will do."

"Thanks," she said as she hung the phone up and hung her head for a minute. When she looked up her eyes were filled with tears as she stared at Joey, "I did this to him. I made him do this—I can't—I have to tell John about his brother."

"Hey—wait a minute. First of all it's not your fault Cristian did what he did. You had no control over him—I'm sure if Antonio had expected his brother to do something rash and crazy like this he'd have had him followed or watched. Don't blame yourself though."

"Fine, but I still have to tell John. When is the next flight to Llanview?"

"You can use the Buchannan jet, and you're going to need someone to take you to the airport. So go grab some clothes to throw in a bag—I'll get the car warmed up."

"Thanks, Joey," she said through a smile as she turned up the steps and took them two at a time.

* * *

Natalie knocked on the door softer than she meant to but quickly the door opened, "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

"I was—I am, I thought you were room service. You sent me to bed without dinner so I decided to get something here and then go to sleep—I can call down and order you something," he said as he went towards the phone but she stood in the doorway. He turned and could tell something more important than food was on her mind. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry—it's all my fault."

"What? Did something happen after I left?"

"I went home and Jess had called—they were trying to get in touch with you but I told them to turn off the phone ringer. Michael was shot earlier today."

John stood there for a moment before going to the closet and grabbing a bag, "Is he ok?"

"Yeah, they said he's going to pull through just fine. But—it was Cristian that shot him," she said as she began to cry a little. "I'm sorry—I feel so responsible for this. If I hadn't come to London, if I had forced myself to deal with it head on."

"Hey—stop, stop this right now. I feel better knowing you are here working out your feelings than here—he just shot a man for no reason, Natalie. What if he'd shot you instead? If I had heard he shot you—do you know how responsible I'd feel?" he asked as he stopped throwing clothes into the bag and walked over to her. "I love you Natalie," he said softly as he gave her a kiss.

Natalie gave him a smile at hearing those words, "I love you too, John. But that's not the problem right now—the problem is getting home to Llanview. Joey's downstairs with a car and the Buchannan jet is getting ready for take off now."

John laughed as he went back to grabbing and throwing clothes in the bag, "I usually don't like being told what to do or how to do it, but I guess this time I'll make an exception."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: You didn't have to wait long for this chapter, did ya? Hehehe—I had most of it written and I must have had a inspiration fairy sitting on my shoulder and wrote the rest real quick.

I've been thinking—am I the only one that when you see the beginning of a Jovan love scene you keep waiting to hear "TROJAN MAN!" be yelled out of nowhere? LOL.

I see two more chapters in the future for this story—it might only be one, depends on the length and content. Until next time—PCGirl.

* * *

"Where are we off to first?" asked John as he slipped into the passenger seat and put his seat belt on.

"I'm going to drop you off of at the hospital and I'm going to the station—there's something I need to do," she said as she pulled out of the spot and started heading towards the exit of the parking lot.

John looked at the car clock and thought a moment before speaking, "You know what—visiting hours are over for the night so why don't I just tag along with you. I'm sure Antonio is probably still burning the midnight oil."

"Are you sure? Because I know you want to see Michael."

"Michael will be there in the morning—besides, you probably could use a good friend for what's about to happen."

"And what do you think is about to happen?" she snapped

"I'm sorry—I put that wrong. Natalie—you are about to go talk to your estranged husband that just shot somebody out of pure spite for his brother. You could use a good friend to remind you it's not your fault that he did that. So what do you say—we go to the Station and do what we have to do and then go find your brother, my cousin, and Jess and Antonio and have dinner together?"

"I guess—if I feel like it after talking to Cris," she said as she made a u-turn to go towards the Station.

* * *

"Go on, I'll be right here," said John as he whispered into Natalie's ear from behind her while rubbing her shoulders.

"I know," she said as she took a deep breath and nodded to the guard to open the door. She turned one last time to look at John and continued on. He was asleep on the bottom bunk, his body facing the wall. She wasn't sure what else to do so she just gave a slight cough to let him know someone was there. "Cristian?"

Cris turned over to see Natalie standing there and got up, walking slowly to the bars that stood between them, "Well if it isn't the prodigal wife."

"Cris—please don't."

"So this is what it takes to get you to come home? For me to shoot a man?"

"Michael in innocent in this whole thing. He isn't the reason I left before—the reason I left is because I was so confused about everything has happened in the past year that I needed time to take everything in."

"That's what you keep saying, but I don't believe you. He's down there isn't it—McBain is standing there at the cell door. Come out and face me like a man, McBain!" yelled Cristian.

"Cris," said Natalie—about to burst into sobs. She looked over to see John about to walk through the gate and shook her head and looked back at Cristian, "I love you Cristian—I always will, but I have to say this and it's going to kill me to say so. We've changed in the past year—both of us. You were put through hell on that ship and I know if there had been any belief that you were still alive we would have all been searching for you."

"Yeah right, " huffed Cristian.

Natalie looked over to see John was completely out of sight now, "Believe what you want to Cris. I changed also."

"Yeah—before you weren't a slut."

Natalie took a deep breath in before speaking, "I have not done anything since you returned—you are my husband and maybe one day you will believe me. I never thought I'd say this to you Cris, but I'm going to get the ball rolling on a divorce. I—I need to go."

Natalie didn't give him a chance to respond to her but ran up the stairs and directly into John. He put his arms around her as she finally let herself breakdown, "Hey—let it out. Just let it out."

* * *

"I'm sorry about that," said Natalie as she came back into Antonio's office from the bathroom, a tissue in hand.

"Don't be—you have a right to cry. What you said down there wasn't easy. The way he was treating you—accusing you of things that never happened—it's not right."

"I can take care of myself John," she said as she wiped her nose and sat down. "Sorry—I know you're being a good friend right now and I'm snapping at you for something you had no control over."

"I wish you'd let me tell him that—neither of us knew the other was going to London, but he's going to believe what he wants to believe." John stared at the ground for a moment and then back to Natalie, "I can think of two things we can do now—find everyone and go to Ultra Violet or Rodi's or we can find a 24-hour liquor store and head over to the hotel and just avoid everyone."

Natalie smiled at how he read her mind, "The hotel it is."

* * *

"I win again, McBain," smiled Natalie as they sat on the floor of the hotel room they'd gotten playing poker—John had walked in and got the room key from Roxy, Natalie sneaking upstairs after him so Roxy wouldn't give them both the third degree on what was going on.

"I see that, and I'm all out of money," he said as he looked at his watch and rubbed his eyes while thinking how long it'd been since he'd slept. "I think it's time to call it a night Natalie—we're both on London time."

"Yeah, I am getting kind of sleepy myself," she said with one huge yawn.

"You take the bed—I'll be fine on the couch," he said as he got up and went to the bathroom. When he returned she was under the covers and sound asleep. John sat on the couch but before he could lay down his phone began ringing, "McBain?" he said with an unexpected yawn.

"John—it's Jessica. Have you seen Natalie? Nobody seems to know where she is."

"She's here with me—she already fell asleep and I hate to wake her again."

"Ok. Goodnight John."

"Goodnight," he said as he hung the phone up and laid down—he was almost asleep when he heard her voice calling his name. "Natalie, did you say something?"

"There's plenty of room in this bed for the two of us—you don't have to sleep on the couch."

John gave a smile at her thoughtfulness though he knew she wouldn't remember saying it in the morning and moved over to the bed—soon both were oblivious to the world and too tired to care.

* * *

Natalie opened her eyes slowly and fear and embarrassment swallowed her whole—sometime during the night her and John had moved closer to the bed and she was now using his shoulder for a pillow and his arm was wrapped around her. _God—he probably thinks he's sleeping with Evangeline_, she thought to herself as she tried to move his arm off of hers and slip out before waking him. As she moved his arm he pulled out of her grasp and then held her tighter, pull her closer to him. "John," she said quietly.

"Hmmm?"

"John—do you realize where you are?"

"Yeah, I'm asleep in the bed holding you," he said as he opened his eyes and smiled down at her. "Why?"

"I just thought—it's nothing," she laughed to herself.

"Tell me, Natalie. What was it you were thinking?"

"You were so tired last night I figured you didn't know where you were and maybe you thought I was Evangeline," she shrugged off, as if it were nothing big.

John wasn't sure to laugh at her insecurity or be completely insulted by what she just said. He moved her bangs out of her face and kissed her forehead, "I wasn't lying in London when I said I loved you."

"I didn't think you were."

"Then why would you think that? Evangeline and I have been through for months now—and besides, there's always been someone else on my mind when I'm with her."

"Oh really?" she grinned as he rolled on top of her and kissed her.

* * *

John walked off the elevator and towards Michael's room—he and Natalie had barely kissed when the phone rang—Jessica asking her sister if she was coming over to Llanfair today. So they were off doing their own thing for the day, and said they would talk later about dinner plans.

He touched his lips, remembering the kiss he'd given her as he left the hotel room while she took a quick shower. She was definitely not going to be out of his system any time soon.

He smiled as he walked in and saw Michael in the bed just looking all around, "What made you think I was worth taking a bullet for, man?"

Michael laughed at his brother's words and could see John's shoulders relax at seeing him being in one piece, "I don't know—thought for once I'd be the cop in the game Cops and Robbers. You never let me be the cop—did you know that Shan?" he asked as he looked at his cousin.

"That's because you always wanted to be the doctor, and there is no doctor in Cops and Robbers," he laughed. "Sorry I didn't come by last night—we got in late."

"It's fine—I was pretty much zonked out on pain meds most of the night. But hey—we've got our own battle scars now," he grinned and saw Shannon start to become uncomfortable, "Shannon—can you get me some water?"

"Sure," she said as she gave John a quick hug and was gone.

John was quiet for a moment, taking in the words his brother had just said, "I didn't ever want you to have a battle scar, Michael—not like that."

"I know—but I'm fine John, and between you and me I you better not let go of Natalie now—not after I took a bullet for your relationship."

"Ok, enough with the wise cracks—though I'm glad it didn't change your outlook on anything. Has Marcie been by?"

"Yeah—Shannon and I made her go home and get some sleep early this morning. I wanted them to both go home, but Shannon wouldn't leave my side. The idea of losing another person in her life—it hit her hard."

"I know, but now—maybe if you drop the death and getting shot jokes she'll be better," he grinned as Shannon walked back in.

Shannon's eyes were sparkling with happiness as she walked in, but held the door open, "Look who I found at the nurses desk."

Michael realized why she was smiling so big as Eve walked in and over to him, giving him tons of kisses, "Hey mom."

"I swear—you two are going to be the death of me," she said as she pulled back and her eyes were filled with tears and then she walked over and hugged John.

"It's ok—we're both ok, right Mikey?"

"Right," he smiled.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: The length was going to be really long so I split it. One more ya'll and it's done. Until next time—PCGirl.

* * *

She'd never been nervous walking in here—this was just as easily her home as the cottage was before, but now—now she felt like she was going across enemy lines and wasn't sure she'd come back without some damage to herself or her soul. "Carlotta," she said quietly as her mother-in-law finished filling a customer's coffee cup.

"Oh Natalie," she spoke as she came over and hugged her—Natalie staying slightly stiff through the hug. "What's wrong?"

"I—I just wasn't expecting that reaction from you. I mean—after what I did—leaving Cristian here and pushing him to the point of shooting a man for no reason. How can you be happy to still see me?"

"Because hija—the man that did that awful thing—he's not the man who left us last year. This man is mean and spiteful. I don't know what happened to him on that ship but that man is not the son I love—maybe one day he can get through all they did to him and he will be—but that's going to take time."

"I know," she said as she tried to make herself say the rest. "There's something else I need to tell you—I'm going to file the paperwork for a divorce from him. I don't want to—I want to stay and make it work, but we're too much different now."

"I know—I knew when you went to London what the choice you made was going to be."

"And you aren't mad at me for that?"

"No. You deserve happiness, Natalie."

"I think I found it. John—he was in London when I got there—it was never planned for us to get back together—but—I love him. Cristian—the old one, the one from before—he'll always be in my heart but John's in my heart too now."

"I've known that for awhile too. At first I didn't want him to break your heart, but I see you two are good for each other. If it's not my son then I'm glad it's someone I know will put you first."

"Thank you, Carlotta. You don't know how much that means."

"Your welcome. You've put a lot of your dreams on hold Natalie—and all of them deserve to come true. Maybe it's time that you begin to make some of those come true," she smiled.

"Yeah, maybe it is."

* * *

"Go take a fifteen minute break, Higgins," said John to the officer at the gate then waited for the officer to make it upstairs before entering the holding area. Natalie was going to yell at him for talking to Cristian, but it'd been bugging him most of the morning. He hit the bars as hard as he could and then walked back to lean against the wall, "You wanted me to face you, Vega so here I am."

"Why'd you come down here? To rub it in that you won—that you finally stole the woman I love away from me. Sure did take you long enough—you'd been trying to break us up since the first minute I saw you."

John shook his head. "Believe what you want. Sure I thought Natalie was hot then—but can you blame me? I came to this town because I had a job to do."

"Then why didn't you leave when it was over? Or did you decide to comfort the new widow?"

"I'm not going to argue with you about this again, Cristian," he yelled as he moved towards the cell.

"You didn't answer my question—why not just walk away while there was a pretty clean slate left?"

"Because I was responsible for your being supposedly killed and I needed—I needed to try and make it right. Somewhere along the way—that's when I fell in love with your wife. Happy now?"

"No, because you should have walked away—she had her family and my family, nobody needed you," he said shortly and turned away from John.

"Maybe it wasn't about somebody needing me—maybe it was about me needing Natalie."

* * *

"I'm insulted," said Rex with a furrowed brow as he sat down next to his sister at the coffee shop.

"And why is that?" she questioned him.

"Because—you came home last night and not once did you think of calling me. A simple 'hi—how ya doin'?' would have done just fine. Are you too good for me now that you're shacking up with McBoink?"

"We're not shacking up."

"That's not what I heard—by the way—where'd you sleep last night?" he asked with a grin as he watched her blush. "Busted."

"How'd you know anyways?" she asked as she slipped the book she was reading beside her

"Roxy—she said she saw you sneak upstairs last night right after she gave John a room key," he smiled. "So what is that book you were reading?"

"Nothing," she said as she moved it further away, and out of his grasp.

"When are you gonna stop with all this lying, Natty?" he asked as he fought her for the book, pushing her to the floor so he could get it. "This—this is the stuff you were studying before?"

"Yes," she yelled as she grabbed it from him and sat back down. "I borrowed—it from the library. It was just a thought I had of perhaps going back and finishing my degree."

"Well, what's stopping you?"

"I—I just don't know. Everything has changed Rex—the person I was before is different from who I am now."

"Yeah? Well, I remember the one before that. The one that didn't take no for an answer—she saw what she wanted and she kept going until she got it," he said as he gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I gotta pick up some coffee and meet up with Shannon. Us four are having dinner tonight at my place—be there or be lame," grinned Rex with a wink as he got up and went to place an order.

* * *

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there. Yeah—he's fine—you know what they say though, doctor's make the worst patients," laughed John as he hung up the phone with Sonia and closed the hotel room door behind him. He smiled at seeing her sitting there, curled up with the book and a blanket covering her legs. "Hey."

"Hey," smiled Natalie as she gave him a kiss. "Was that Sonia?"

"Yeah, they got him today—so the case is closed for me since I wasn't there for the arrest. I'm sure I'll be called to testify but until then—I'm all yours," he said with an evil grin while decided to get into something more comfortable. "What are you reading?"

"Did you know what I was studying at LU before?"

"No—What?"

"Criminology," she said as she watched his eyes actually get expressive and try to determine where this was going. "I want to go back to school John—I want to get this degree and I want to work in the field. I've been fascinated with it from afar for too long."

He grinned at her, "I've never seen this side of you Natalie."

"I've hidden it way too long—there's a lot of me I've hidden for too long and it's time I show all of it. I used to know what I wanted and go for it—not just sit by and let it slip through my fingers and out of my life. So this is first—getting back to school and graduating—and then—."

"And then what?"

"Then just wherever the Bureau takes us I'll get a job at the local police station—maybe one day I'll join the FBI also."

He laughed, "First—I'm fine with whatever it is you want to do with your life—I'll support you Natalie—always. Second—what makes you think I want to go back to the Bureau?"

"You seemed so at ease back in London—I just figured you'd just jump right back in."

"Nah," he said with a shrug. "Maybe one day I'll enjoy the speed and thrill of it all over again, but for now—now I want to spend as much time with you as I can," he said, sitting down on the arm of the chair and leaning in towards her.

"That reminds me—what time is it?" she said as she looked at her watch and sighed. "We're supposed to be at Rex's soon for dinner."

"Is it necessary to go?"

"Well, we go spend time with him and Shannon tonight and then tomorrow—I don't have anything planned," she said with a grin that told him exactly what she had in mind.

"Fine, but if it were anyone else I'd be suddenly catching a strain of Ebola."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Does anyone remember this story? LOL! It's been so long since I updated I hope you do. If not, here's a summary--Cris came back, John took the good guy approach and left to help Sonia in London. Natalie had to clear her head and went to London too--they met up, Cris found out and shot Michael. Jolie came back to Llanview, and Natalie decided she wanted to finish her degree at LU. Everyone on the same page? Good._

_Thank you for hanging in to read the end of this story--I do hope you like it. And thanks to Manda for helping me with one name and Gracie for another name. Until next time--which story it will be, I do not know--Ya'll truly are the best! PCGirl._

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_Five months later_

John had taken the aisle seat, with Antonio beside him—Jessica and the rest of the Buchanan's filled up the entire row. She'd been so nervous this morning getting ready—worried that nobody would show up—nobody would care about her getting a degree. But she'd been wrong—every Buchanan in Llanview had shown up and the rest of the family that was living in London were also in attendance.

As 'Pomp and Circumstance' began playing everyone rose and turned to see the graduates begin to walk in. She happened to pause in front of him for just a moment as a row began filling up and he grabbed her hand—for a quick squeeze, the diamond pressing back against the palm of his hand.

He'd given her the ring last night—telling her he thought it was best to give it now—as in a few days they would be starting their life together somewhere else away from Llanview. He'd decided to stay with the FBI afterall, but instead he'd taken a training job at Quantico—teaching new recruits the basics of the FBI and just how to be a good agent.

He'd wanted to find some old associates that had left the FBI years ago like he did to become regular cops, but Natalie wouldn't have any of it. She said she prided herself too much to use him as a crutch, and as she began trying different precincts around the area they all saw what John knew—she was damn good at what she knew about forensics and more than one of them was ready to give her the job.

As he watched her walk across the stage and receive the diploma from her mother he couldn't be more proud of her than he already was, and wondered how he could have walked away from her in the first place.

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"You've been quiet since we got back from the party," said John as he watched Natalie fold and pack her clothes up in moving boxes.

"I've just been thinking."

She felt so stupid for not seeing the signs before—the naseau, the tiredness, the random cravings she'd been having while studying. She'd gone out this morning and bought the test—lied to John saying she needed hose for graduation today.

"What about exactly?" he asked as he sat down next to her on the end of the bed.

"How I'm glad you aren't going to be in the line of fire—not that I don't mind it, but at least I won't have to worry about being up late at night with our child while you are out on a case," she said as she looked at him and laughed at the confused look he gave her. "John—did you hear me?"

"Yeah," he said as he took in what she'd just said. "Are you—? Are we—? Pregnant?"

She just nodded softly as she took his hand and placed it on her flat stomach, "You're going to be a dad, McBain."

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_Eight months later_

Natalie felt a weight on the side of the bed then him softly touching her bulging belly. She stretched before opening her eyes and watching John just sitting there in amazement, "You do realize if he's not born within the next 24 hours I will be forced to try every old wive's tale until he's born—right?"

John just laughed at her threat, "He's quiet today."

"Yeah, he is," she said—realizing that for the first time in months his reaction to his dad's touch wasn't a swift kick to her rib cage.

"You want me to stay home? Just in case—."

"No—if I start having strong contractions I'll call the office and let them know you need to come home. Now go to work—TJ and I will be just fine," she said as he leaned down and gave her a deep kiss, then kissed her stomach before leaving.

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John threw his coat over the chair and then walked around to sit on the back edge of his desk as the classroom filled up. He enjoyed this—teaching new recruits how to become good agents in the field. Showing them the right way and wrong way to go about doing stuff—he had enough stories to share with them that they looked to him for approval.

There were a few in this class he could see great things for, and some others who he would be surprised if they even made it past their first assignment.

"Alright, let's get started," he said as the final few came in and took their seats. "Today they tell me I'm supposed to talk about staying focused on your assignment and don't let outside influences make you misjudge your next move."

"Like he has any problem doing that," chuckled on of the recruits—Pat Davis.

"Well, Davis—despite the fact you think you know everything about me I've made a few bonehead moves in my life. I'm sure you're no stranger to bonehead moves," he shot back and the young man got quiet.

"Even the best agent out there can screw up—slip up—put the people they are trying to protect in harms way, even put the people they love in harms way without even knowing it. The first thing you need to do is lose the cocky attitude of being a Fed," he said glancing directly at Davis.

"Nobody likes a cocky cop—especially not the bad guys. Cockiness can not only be seen as a sign of inexperience, but also a sign of vulnerability. So unless you don't care if your girlfriend lives or dies I suggest dropping the act before you get your first assignment," he said—suddenly images of Caitlyn going through his mind.

"Next thing—remove yourself from the outside influences. Yes you are protecting people, but more important you are doing your job. You might be doing an undercover operation and have a beautiful woman in your face everyday—but your job is not to score with her. If your manly need," he coughed, "is getting in the way of your job then maybe you shouldn't be in the FBI," he said as he turned around to look at his notes—a grin appearing on his face at the scene he'd just described.

"That sure sounds like you have personal experience in that department," laughed a voice from the doorway. John turned around to see another colleague and instructor, Doug, walking in the room and towards him. "But I guess ya'll will just have to wait to see if McBain is willing to share it," he grinned as he came to him and shook his hand then whispered something in his ear.

"Thanks," said John as his face lit up and he moved to grab his coat. "I've got to go—Doug will be covering the rest of this class and the classes for the next few weeks."

"You better hope he looks like her," called Doug as John reached the doorway.

"Yeah—I'll remind you of that statement when Erin gets pregnant," he laughed back and headed to the car.

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"Thanks, Mike. I'll let you know when we he's here," said John as he hung up with his brother. He smiled at the thought of his son, Thomas Joseph, finally coming into the world today.

His mind went back to what he'd been telling the recruits before he left. He'd tried to follow those rules—tried to do everything by the book and not fall for Natalie. Nothing had worked, even when he tried to do the right thing and put an ocean between them she'd unknowingly followed him.

That was one thing the recruits would have to learn on their own—despite their own good intentions sometimes you couldn't fight fate. John had finally given in to it and now he had the life he'd only dreamt of.


End file.
